I used to go clubbing twice a week. I drink. I dance. I party. I partee. I don't do random hook-ups though (well, maybe just 10% of the time). I just love dancing and hanging out with friends. I met most of my friends during club gimmicks. Yes, i'm friendly but I do have my snobby nights.
In the past few months, because of work, I kept my weekends to myself. At home sleeping, watching reruns, with Doraemon, with my mom and sis. I rarely go out. See, I live in the suburbs. I need to travel at least 1hr to the next joint.
But last night, my team had an impromptu gimmick. I'm in Cebu and I'm going back to Manila so they want to take me out somewhere in Cebu.
We had dinner somewhere in IT park. Had coffee. Then went to Mango to drink, sing and dance. I was with the company of straight people. Kaloka. Some of them spontaneously hooked-up (patay tayo dyan!) and I was left baby-sitting the rest of the team. One of my colleagues kept on pushing me to this guy pero naman ayaw ko. (1) I am committed to someone and (2) I am committed PERIOD.
I am flying back home. Can't wait to see my family, my dogs, my friends.
And of course... I miss Doraemon!!! Lapit na balentayms and our monthsary!
Kanina sa office, dahil sa nakikita kong stressed ang mga tao, nagsayaw ako ng Whip My Hair. Hahaha! Yeah, I'm an office clown 'pag kailangan. Masaya and mabuti akong katrabaho. Ayoko ng masyadong stress sa work, yung di ka na marunong ngumiti. Kahit pagod, dapat, may smile ng konti.
So there... i whip my hair back and forth. I whip my hair back and forth.
Ashualey... habang nagtutuyo ng buhok sa banyo kanina, i whip my hair ulit ang eksena ko. Sakit nga ng leeg ko eh. Punyetang Willow Smith yan. Bibong bata parang walang buto sa leeg.
So whip your hair if you wanna be happy. Whip your hair for a better life. Chos!
I'm working on 2 accounts, 4 deals, around 200 agents. Working on two cities. On top of that, I have my adhoc duties with another manager. I work 12 hours a day. Stress level is high. As in... palong palo!
The reason why I committed myself in working my ass off is because I want to get a promotion within the year. My boss has high hopes that I can get promoted as long as I do well on my commitments and deliver beyond the expectations of each project. Kaya ko 'to mga teh.
Getting a promotion means getting a higher bonus and higher salary. I need to save more money. In 2012, I'll be paying for my ARVs. Though with my current pay, I can afford the projected Php3,000/month for ARVs. Pero syempre I need the extra boost in salary for other stuff. Pambili ng vitamins, supplements, and pampaganda. Pang foot spa, mani-pedi, facialm pa-spa, ahihihihi. Diba... Dapat maganda pa din kahit stressed. Stressed ka na nga tapos mukha ka pang halimaw, san na ko pupulutin nun? Ewwwww. Oiliness is next to poverty!
And I am not getting any younger. I'll be turning 30 soon. And I want to be, at least, on a lead role (on a motion picture... char). The only way is up in the career ladder. I am an achiever. Kaya kailangan ko itich ma-achieve.
Kaya there... Super cut ang nightlife. Pahinga lang sa house. Spending time with my family and Doraemon. Ang gimmick ko is movie date with hubby. Clubbing was super nawala na. Siguro 1x every 2 months na lang. This weekend though, I'm going out with my trainers and agents and the clients. Pero ayoko makarinig ng anything about work this weekend otherwise mananampal talaga ako ng fez. Time for some red horsey.
The video below made me a little teary eyed. Bongga kasi. Ganda ng shots. Maganda si Rox. Gwapo naman din si Elton. And I love love weddings.
"I give you my hand, my heart and my soul..."
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... pakshet!
In my mind, I already planned for my own wedding. The grooms' song. The outfit. The theme. The location. I'm just waiting for him to give me the ring and I'll say, without a doubt, I DO!
1. When we first met at the hills, we connected like sisters from Lalaland. We’re like dumb blondes with LV handbags and on Jimmy Choo shoes. You reminded me of a big sister that I never had.
2. Our gimmick at OBar Ortigas was another treat! We’re like bitches on the dancefloor.
3. You were asking people for some naming ideas for your shop and you picked my suggestion. Ganda ng name di ba!
4. We banter, we heckle, we have our lucrative chit chats. Only you and E can keep up with this type of conversation with me.
5. The time when you asked me to hold your hand. You were scared because the dermatologist needs to inject something in your nakakagalit na pimple.
6. When I called you up around 7 in the morning to dish about your favorite friend. That was a hell of a wake-up call for you. Haha!
7. When you showed me an R-rated picture of you and A. OMG. Ewwwwww. Hahaha.
8. When we talk about music, drugs… and drugs. People around us were trying to figure out what the hell were we talking about.
9. Our not so frequent text messages. Especially the last one that I received from you. Wrong sent ka pa.
10. In Malate, I rode your bike, wrapped my arms around your waist. From Sonata to OBar just to make a scene. Oh diba.
You will be missed. I know that you are in a happy place. Until we meet again. Love you G!
I had my CD4 count last Thursday. Was supposed to have it mid-December but I decided to have my CD4 test earlier. Dami activities this December, hence, puyatan.
So before the puyatan begins, better get my CD4 na. Well, I've been working on graveyard shift for the past 2 weeks and I'm sure medyo bumaba ang count ko. Anyway... I don't want to cheat on my CD4 count. Ayoko mandaya. So after work, I met up with Doraemon in Ayala. Doraemon will also make sabay for his CD4 count. Both of us dead tired from our shifts. Punyeta. Minus 50 CD4 I'm sure. He also needs to get the rashes in his back and chest checked.
We were early at the hills. Shola was there, naka push-up bra pa ang lola mo. Imagine... big boobs na naka push-up bra. NAKAKALUNOD. Yung pic dito... yes... that is Shol
a's boobs! A new pozzie was there and an echuserang pozzie. I called Ate Ana and she said she's on her way. So we waited and waited. Ate Ana then came, naka make-up ang lola mo. Biglang tingin sa akin and said... "Wag ka na magrereact!" I gave her a hug and a beso. Yes... Close. Hehehehe.
I was told to do fasting since it will be an annual PE
of some sort. Ate Ana asked if I ate something. I told her that I had coffee because I'm on GY. Pak. Di daw pwede. Kahit daw tubig bawal. Juskoh! So some of my tests will be rescheduled. All blood tests pwede but yung mga SGPT etc di pwede. Fine.
Urine. Viral Load (na kinukuhanan ako ng dugo pero N
EVER naman natetest). CD4. CBC. GT. Xray.
I went to the Xray lab first. Doraemon and the others to the clinical lab. Echuserang Poz was standing in the window when a local (yes... local) asked if nakapila si Poz. Poz said, "Walang pila" to manong with a tone na sarap suplakin sa fez. So manong local asked if he already paid for the whatever test. Sabi ni Poz frog, "I don't need to pay."
Pak. HOY BAKLANG ECHUSERANG PALAKA. UMAYOS AYOS KA. I know, free tests natin. Pero do respect manong local. He's just asking and curious bakit yung chaka mong fez eh nasa window eh di ka bayad. Oo nga, free tayo but that doesn't mean that we are more privileged than those who pays for their tests. ECHUSERA KA. Suplakin ko fez mo eh. Tapos may eyes rolling ka pa. CHAKA MO GIRL. Di ka kagandahan.
Anyway... so... xray... then blood tests... 3 vials were taken. Then urine test.
Doraemon and I went back to Ate Ana and asked if Doraemon can go to derma for the consult. Shet. 2PM pa daw. So we went to the lounge and waited. Doraemon said na umuwi na daw ako kasi I have work pa and malayo pa ang mansion ko. Nahiya ako kay Doraemon, sabi ko i wanna stay. Pero.. di kinaya ng energy ko so I went home. I left him sa quarters para maka tulog sya.
Got home at around 2PM. Natulog. Nagising ng 3PM. Doraemon calling...
"Lumabas na yung result. 164 na CD4 mo."
"Yes! Ikaw. Musta?"
"I dropped from 300+ to 250. Will start na on ARV. And I have shingles"
Bittersweet news. Happy that my CD4 doubled, and im on 3-digits na. Partida puyat ako. But kay Doraemon... Haaaay. I wish he can pull-out a magic something on his pouch. Like a mahiwagang camote to make himself feel better. He was crying when he was telling me the news.
Good thing though that the YFL group was there. Thanks to Babes, Yogi and Kitty for talking to Doraemon. Salamat and you were there. Hugs!
Anyway... di na ako nakatulog. I told my boss na I can't come to work. Late na ako nakatulog kakaisip... what i need to do for myself para bumongga ang CD4 ko. So I came up with some sort of resolutions for myself.
I’m making 8 resolutions or shall I say 8 vows for 2011…
1. I vow not to waste my time on things that "seem important"
2. Having mentioned number one, I vow to spend my time on things that are important. (e.g family, work, my life's purpose and my health)
3. I vow to spend money only on things I really need and to take joy in simply looking at pretty things I don't need. But yeah, a little luxury won't hurt. Little lang promise.
4. I vow to take full responsibility for my face. Hence, I will only frown at things that really need frowning at and take time to consider things I never thought were worth smiling for.
5. I vow to internalize that success is a journey and not an end. Hence, now is not too early to declare that I am successful.. and that everyday is a chance to feel successful.
6. I vow to overlearn that happiness is not the moving bunny in a horse race nor the star at the top of your christmas tree nor feeling high at around 3am. Happiness is ..the muscles of your abs. (you may have not felt it yet but believe me, it's there- it's inside of you).
7. I vow not to commit to anything that doesn't give me a reason to wake up cheerfully the next morning...or noon...or afternoon... or evening....
8. Finally, I vow not to make a career of something just because I am good at it. It has to be something I am great at, something which I enjoy doing and something my life's experiences has prepared me to do. I’ve worked for a lot of companies and I realized that it is better if you really like the job and not just the salary that goes with it. Believe me, money is not everything. But yeah, money is important in a way. But... again.. it is not everything.
Wishing everyone good health, good life, good sex life. A healthy appetite ngayong holidays. And to Doraemon, better health!
There are times where I feel the need to be comforted and a pillow won’t do. It’s not because I’m lonely. It’s because I want to feel the comfort and the warmth of another body. I need someone beside me, to cuddle with me.
It doesn’t have to be in bed. It can be on a sofa, a chair, or the floor. The floor... hehe. We don’t have to be naked. We can be fully clothed, wrapped in blankets. There doesn’t need to be any R-rated moments. The only thing we need is each other’s company.
Just to have somebody there, somebody in my nook, me in theirs, with an arm around me, or with my arm around them, feeling their faint breath on my neck, or mine in their hair. In the past, there’s nobody here. There’s nobody to cuddle with except for my pillow. But then I met him.
Saw my gay bestfriend and his partner last night. It's been almost a year since we saw each other. Both of us were pretty much busy with our careers and we have said our goodbyes to the usual gimmicks. It was a surprise that I saw him last night.
Talked to his partner, a VP in one of the biggest banks here in the country. Was supposed to work for that company but my current employer got me signing the job offer before I received an interview schedule with them. M asked me if I want to work for them since they need the best people in one of their projects. It got me thinking... he's offering me 2x the salary that I am getting now. Unfortunately, I have a 1 year bond with my current employer. Bummer right? I told him that I'll apply after my bond expires.
Is money really that important? In a way, yeah. It pays the bills. It buys you stuff. You can save and invest and buy a house, a car. Call me materialistic but it doesn't hurt to splurge a little. To have what you always want. And yeah... to save up for the future. You cannot live in love alone. Love doesn't feed you, usually it gives you indigestion. Blame it on the butterflies in your stomach.
Anyway... going back. My bestfriend is getting married next year. In their 1st year anniversary. I love my best friend. He's not afraid to show his sexuality, his love, himself to the world.
So that makes me one of the bride's maids in his wedding. But damn I don't wanna wear an ugly dress. Hahaha.
Wrap your arms around me. Keep me close, keep me warm. Run your fingers up and down my arm. Draw circles with your thumb.
Nuzzle my neck, head, and shoulders. Breathe softly on my neck, my ears. Lightly run your hand up and down my leg. Lay your head against my shoulder.
Take my hand and lace our fingers together. Gently rub your thumb with mine, hold my hand. Hold me tight, make me feel wanted. And fall asleep in each other’s arms.
LOL. But seriously, it is only human that we are judged or at the very least, rated by people around us. But before others raise their scores ala-Showtime, have you rated yourself on a scale of 1-10?
People tend to rate themselves, scale of 1-10 when being compared to others. I think it’s fair, especially since it helps to level out the playing field. No one wants to have relations with someone out of their league. Well, except for social climbers and losers whose confidence is annoying.
I think I’m a 7/10. That’s equivalent to a B, or an +80%, or in UP, it’s 1.75 or 2.0. I like my score. I am not perfect. There’s room for improvement, and it’s a pretty good start. Unlike those who think they’re a 10 but are really a 7.5, I have some shit to back it up.
Like in any pageants, it’s not just about beauty. It’s about the whole package.
I am not gorgeous or fucking hot. Not a head turner even. But I am not fugly. It takes time to see the beauty in my quirkiness. Iba ang ganda ko… Haha. I’m not a pretty boy. But yeah, I look quite good. I know how to dress up properly. I have my own unique style. I know the things that are bagay to me. Some people doesn’t know the term “binabagayan.”
In terms of career, oh yeah, that I can say I have something. I’m not a manager though. I’ve been an individual contributor in the past 6 years from different companies. Meron. Meganon.
How about social standing… Well, I’m not really someone that everybody knows but I do have the Miss Congeniality award. I have friends (yes, friends) from different industries and groups. Eh yung iba kasi… kakilala lang. Ako, friends ko sila. Di dahil naki-sindi sa’yo ng yosi eh close na kayo. Kaloka.
Next… equity and investments. That I don’t have yet. I do support my mom and sister, and supported my sister in college. I guess that there’s some sort of investment on that one. I was not born rich. Di ako niregaluhan na lang bigla ng kotse. I work hard for my money. My supervisor talked to me last month and showed me how to do investment banking with at least 10K. Will probably do that next year. But I am proud with whatever I have… saka wala akong utang. I used to have a credit card but decided to cut it. There’s no such thing as a credit card for emergency purposes. You save money for emergency. You work and get a good HMO. Emergency shopping doesn’t count.
Personality is also a major factor in scoring yourself. You may not have the goods but if you do good, then you score high.
Some people have said I’m more than a 7/10... and others think I'm less worthy of that grade. Either way, all of these numbers give me a headache. This is just too much math for me. Anyway, I have my number 1 already. Hehehe... I love you!
Been busy with work, spending a lot of time with my hubby, yoga 1x a week, etc. Enough about me, let’s talk about other people.
Spotted A: Seems that everyone is in a relationship these days. According to my friend, the term is.. “Umi-ina ka ha.” Umi-in-a-relationship. So who’s playing duets?
Love does exist even in the poz world. It’s Love in
the time of HIV. Cholera is sooooo 90s. FAs for my change in status.... hush hush about us... he's non-showbiz kasi. Alam mo naman ang mga inggiterong itrigerra!
Spotted B: There are 4-5 blogs talking about disclosure. What hit me most is THISB’s blog. My take on disclosure is this.
1. If you tell someone about your status, there's always a risk of them telling it to someone else. No matter how much you trust the person with your secret, there is a risk. So make sure that you are ready when it bites you back.
2. If a fellow pozzie effing tells someone about your status, that’s betrayal by breadknife. I pity that pozzie in THISB’s blog. I don’t get his motive(s) or lack thereof. I came up with a conclusion that the loud mouth pozzie is sad. A sad clown. A sad guy wearing a red Ever Bilena lipstick in his face. Cheap!
3. I know, non-pozies would want to know who’s who in the pozzie world. Cannot b
e, borrow 1. Just be safe every one.
Spotted C: Fauxbook. Another sad story about a pozzie who created 2 pseudo Facebook profiles. Pseudo profiles with hot profile pics. Unfortunately, I know whose pictures were posted in one of the profiles. Eh model kasi yun eh. So I looked at the fake profiles and analyzed it more. I studied the way the shout-outs were written. There were no tagged pictur
es, only studio shots. Another sad clown. Not sure why he needs to come up with fake profiles. Schizo-much?
Spotted D: If marunong kang mangutang, matuto ka magbayad. Sana pwede ‘to i-face-to-face. Unfortunately, mangungutang has no face.
Spotted E: Swallow. Stupid question: “If nalunok ba yung tamod, makakahawa ba?” EWWWWWWWW! Ewwww because now ko lang narinig yung term na tamod ulit. Oo na, maarte ako. Pero naman… Tamod is so ghetto. Number 2 ewwww moment… the swallow part. I never in my life swallowed cum, accidentally swallowed it, or asked someone to swallow mine. Pre-cum, yes. Cum, no. I can be dirty, but im not filthy. Oh yeah, I did not replied to
Spotted F: Oh... guess who's back in town? Hehehe. Welcome back my kababata!
So there.... busy busy busy. Everything's good. Til my next chismis. I'll have my next CD4 count in December. I'm a little excited. I hope to hit the +200 mark!
I told myself not to go on public (i.e. in Facebook) about my relationship status. But I just can't help myself. I'm already taken. Actually... the more politically correct word is "committed."
Been seeing a poz guy and everything seems to be perfect. I met him May of this year in one of the gimmicks with the pozzies. I had a crush on him back then but during that time, I got all "torpe" and just decided to have fun with the group. It was a group gimmick anyway - movie, dinner and drinks.
Fast forward... I saw him online last week and invited him over my temp pad in the city.
...Skipping the details of what happened in the past few days.... Skip.... Skip.... Skip....
Everything feels right. Or is it? I dunno. I've been single for so long. Mixed feelings like halo-halo on a rainy day, like shabu-shabu on summer.
If you ask me now about me and the poz guy... my answer would be "Sana ito na nga."
The guy in the video is sooooooo hot. Drool. Anyhoo....
A lot has happened in the past few weeks. Just busy with work but will post a lot of stuff soon. Recent sexcapades (with 2 guys, with an IT guy, and with someone from a local dragon boat team); a story about a "friend;" about work; about yoga, and a lot more.
I'm still alive. And yeah, the bitch is back.... Watch out.
Quite often, people exalt their skills in a variety of things. Whether they’re good with numbers, at sports, or in the arts, they never stop talking about how good they are.
But, there is one skill I’ve never understood why people talk about: kissing.
How can a subjective skill be rated on by the individual doing the deed? Last time I remember, kissing is dependent on the POV of others.
Even if it is true, how does it happen? Not everyone is naturally talented (no matter what their over-inflated egos think). When dealing with kissing, could it be a matter of practice makes perfect: The more people you kiss, the better you are at it?
It’s not the same as people who talk about their sexual prowess. People can have lots of sex, but that means they’re whores, and nothing more. Kidding. Insert A into B. Remove A from B. Repeat. Kissing is much more complicated, with more calculations than a quadratic equation. Exponential limits even.
Of course, no one would ever admit to being a bad kisser. That’s lunacy.
So, whatever the answer (natural born talent, or smacking machine), all I have is one question: Can I get in on some practice?
I'm still alive folks. Sorry, no regular updates from me. Been BUSY with work. After work, I usually just go home and hit the sack. Weekends were usually spent at home in my bed. I have a no-laptop policy when I'm at home except today. I need to check some emails from my boss who was sick last week. My bandwidth will be stretched next week. Sige lang, stretch lang ng stretch.
Last night though, I went out. I decided that before the gates of hell open next week at work, I need to go out.
And when Lucky13 goes out.... it's gonna be epic!
My day started with me hitting the gym. It's been 3 weeks since I went to the gym. I'm gaining weight but the fat and muscle distribution is all over. Ack! Gym for two hours. Todo. After working out, I took a quick shower. While I was dressing up, I noticed how big I became. Well, I mean, big in terms of body mass. Haha. And if you want to ask about that thing under my pants, it's..... hahaha.
My friend texted me and was asking me to go out and celebrate his birthday. It's been a month since I saw most of my friends. What a perfect excuse to get drunk.
Another text message. It's from "HotDaddy."
I think everyone has a mental checklist of guys they want to have sex with. I have mine. It's like a pokemon list... a pokedex right? Gotta catch them all!
A ramp/tvc/print model - check! A stage actor - check! A director - check! (oh yes, but it's not like he offered me a B film before having sex. lol) A band member - open A married guy - check! In their bed. Hahaha. An older guy - check! He's 15years older than I am. A student - open A barrista - open A doctor - open
and yes... last night... HotDaddy!
I met HotDaddy in Makati last year. I was in Powerbooks. Spotted. Guy in his 30s, laidback, clean cut, eyeing me. It was like cat and mouse around Powerbooks. Then after 20 minutes, he sat beside me. Blah blah... eventually, we ended at SBC having coffee. He's a single dad of 2 kids. After that night, after exchanging numbers, I never heard from him again. The last text I got from him back then was that he's going to Australia for work.
And now, I think HotDaddy is back... and is lonely.
I met him at his pad in Makati. His kids are on vacation. We had dinner, HotDaddy knows how to cook. And then we sat at the sofa and had wine.
Wine.... makes me either emo... or horny.
Anyway, I'm skipping the details about my sexual encounter with HotDaddy. But it was sweet and nice and sensual.... and towards the end... it was very wild. I wonder if the neighbors heard our ooooohs and ahhhhhs.
He drove me to the club. He then told me that he's going back to the US for work. And that he doesn't want to miss the opportunity of seeing me again before he leaves. Awwwww.
He gave me a big long hug and a peck on the cheek. HotDaddy is sweet.
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At the club.. .same old same old. It was too crowded. Clubbing is not new to me. I've been around. Been there. Done that. Done that guy. Been in that hotspot. LOL. I saw old friends, friends who i haven't seen for the past 2-3-6 months!!!!
J, old crushie C, new crush N: "Lucky.... you look great! We miss you" Lucky: Hugs J, Hugs C for 3 seconds, Hugs N for 5 seconds. Hehehe
J, E, K: "Ate, tumataba ka..." Lucky: "2 weeks ko lang kayo kasama ha!?" J: "Ok fine, healthy ka. Di ka mataba."
K: "OMG. I miss you. Di ka nagpapakita" Lucky: "Busy with work." K: "Fuck you" Lucky: "Thank you." *nice seeing you K.... hope to see E soon.
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I got home around 530am. Bought lugaw for breakfast. Showered and slept. Woke up at noon. Checked my phone for messages. One came from RunningMan. "Miss you," he said. I replied, "Sorry just woke up. Yeah miss you too."
Okay, a quick update about RunningMan.
1. I haven't told him about my status. 2. He's not relationship material. 3. He has no direction in his life. 4. A lot more....
One thing I told myself when getting into relationships is to avoid, as much as possible, people who has a lot of extra baggage. A person who, in a way, knows what he wants. Oh well. It is what it is.... :)
It’s been almost a year since I was diagnosed. Almost a year since I was hospitalized in the hospital. It’s been almost a year. A lot has changed. A lot. Not just because of my diagnosis, but because of life being mediocre. All in all… I can say that I am happy that I survived. That I am happy that I was blessed. That instead of moping around, I chose to live and be happy.
Happiness is a choice. Happiness is a decision. We choose to be sad, to be lonely, and to be apathetic. We choose ways how to be happy. We search for it. We succeed. We fail. That is how life puts us on a pedestal: Waiting for us to react on the tomatoes being thrown at us. Do we catch it or let it smash our faces? Regardless if one was diagnosed with HIV, with Cancer, or living a healthy life. Happiness is not something that just happens. You choose, you decide.
It’s been almost a year. Last night, I took step back and checked where my life is right now. Where am I going? What am I doing? I decided that I would like to take stock of what I have created and not created. What I have achieved and not achieved and what needs to be done. Am I at peace with myself? Am I ready to take on the world and seek new challenges? Am I.....am I......am I. Maybe I should not be thinking too hard and let the heart do the talking again....
I sometimes hide behind my smiles and silly gestures. I take quick glances while I think eyes cannot see and when I'm done, I turn away before those eyes catch me being me. Eyes and lips, they are like Medusa's stare turning simple things to stone like words that bruise emotion and crush the soul. Keeping things tucked away till they escape in ink upon my paper and then through my fingers via the machine in "0"'s and "1"'s. Yes sometimes, I want to scream so people will notice me for more than my stature and talents, to scream and let them know that I am living with the virus. Do not get me wrong. I already accepted the fact that I have HIV. I just wish that the social stigma will disappear.
Amid all the stings and joys of life, I asked myself, “Do I know who I truly am?” I think that it’s more important to know ones identity. It’s not a question of sexuality, of race, of social status. For me, it’s always a question of identity. The totality of oneself. A holistic approach and not just bits and pieces of one’s personality.
I am the sum of every year, every month, every day, every hour, every minute and every second of my own life. Each moment that I breathe is another moment to take in each blessing I received. Through my eyes, my mind takes pictures of everything I see. My ears hear and my mind records. I am the sum of everything that is around me. Life is what I’ve made of it but it’s also a part of the influence about me. My life is what I made it so far.
Through the trials of life, I want to stand strong and grow in stature that I must pass through the trials of fire that we all must pass through. I am not asking for more trials to walk through because I know that more hardships will come before me. But life always put me up on the pedestal. Without them, I cannot be shaped into a better man; my character cannot be made more solid. There is in each refiner's fire, a beauty that touches our lives. Each flame burns away the rough edges and when those fires are quenched I am left a different man. The fires burned away at each rough edge until what was left was, is a glimmer of shiny metal, that now shines above it all. Around me, the heat of flames has been quenched and the pains of the trial have been soothed. If I must pass through again, then I will be stronger still. For being stronger is the only choice that I have left.
But am I happy. In general, I am.
I often wonder what people are thinking, those that find out about me and those who just think they know about me. Do the people who just think they know about me act differently around me then those who know about me? Do those who think they know about me see me as a threat? I wonder how many people create instant assumptions about me without taking the time to get to know me.
Somewhere between here and there, there sits a bridge that once crossed is gone for good. . There isn't any middle ground between here and there. You're either here or there.
And yes, it’s been almost a year… and I’m still here.
I used to go clubbing twice a week. I drink. I dance. I party. I partee. I don't do random hook-ups though (well, maybe just 10% of the time). I just love dancing and hanging out with friends. I met most of my friends during club gimmicks. Yes, i'm friendly but I do have my snobby nights. 
Spotted B: There are 4-5 blogs talking about disclosure. What hit me most is 
Spotted C: Fauxbook. Another sad story about a pozzie who created 2 pseudo Facebook profiles. Pseudo profiles with hot profile pics. Unfortunately, I know whose pictures were posted in one of the profiles. Eh model kasi yun eh. So I looked at the fake profiles and analyzed it more. I studied the way the shout-outs were written. There were no tagged pictur