Thank You

It has been said the reason why people pass through your life is to learn about yourself. They allow you to act and react in a manner which is reflective of the person you are (even if you don’t react, that’s still indicative of a behaviour).

So, I grew as a person after learning what I needed to learn from them. Although I thought they were in my life because of a deep-seated need to connect with someone - anyone - that will lavish some attention on me to prove my worthiness in the world, it wasn’t the reason.

Without them, I wouldn't know the person who I was, am and was going to be. Thankfully, I am so much better having them in my life... even if I’m lucky to have them out of my life because some of them were assholes.


"I feel like I can touch the sky..."

I had my CD4 count yesterday and the results are in: from 169 I am now at 218. Not bad. Up by 49 points. From 13 to 85 (72 points), to 169 (84 points), now to 218 (49 points). A lot (of stress) happened and I know why I was only up by 49 points.

1. Work-related stress - Getting my promotion meant a lot of extra hours in the office. Unlike some regular employee, I work an average of 50-60 hours/week. The extra stress at work paid off but I am sure that my CD4 suffered a bit. Apart from the extended hours at the office, I had 2 months of travelling back and forth from Manila to Cebu. Come August, I will have to travel back to Cebu again for another project. Good for my career, additional cash but probably bad for my CD4. I don't have a choice though, they need my expertise. I just have to manage my time more I guess.

2. No exercise - I used to go the gym last year and attend yoga classes. But because of work, I'm dead tired after my shift and had no time to even stretch. I will go back to the gym this week. Exercise does help improve one's health. Plus... thanks to Stavudine.... fat deposits are on my belly. I vow to go to the gym at least 1x/week. If I can't, I will do 50 push-ups and 50 crunches everyday.

3. Sick puppy - I got sick 3x since December. The usual colds + fever combo. I hate getting sick. Plan is to get back in shape, take my vitamins, get my flu shot next week, and... bring an umbrella. I don't want to get sick.

4. Supplements - I'm checking the internet for some knows supplements and anti-oxidants that helps improve CD4. None of those banaba tea's or VCO. I was on a health regimen last year but stopped taking them. Will have to do another round of research before I take new supplements.

Getting 49 CD4 points is great. Positive is better than negative (no pun intended). From 13 last December 2009 to 218 this June 2011. Now comes the challenge of getting my CD4 higher (and maintaining an undetectable viral load).

Tagos Ng Dugo

Nakipag-sex ka sa kaniya (or kanila), tapos lalaitin mo? What’s worse is nilait mo na ang itsura before kayo nag-sex… tapos maiirita ka after? Ano ka artista? Sabay pasok sa banyo, bukas ng shower, kuha ng sabon, sandal sa pader and shout… ANG DUMI DUMI KO? Ano ka? Gusto mo ba i-remake yung movie ni Ate Vi? Di ka naman nireregla!

In the first place, bakit ka nakipag-sex kung ayaw mo naman pala ng itsura?

Tapos, mandidiri ka kasi akala mo 1 on 1 kayo, tapos, orgy pala. Pero nakipag-orgy ka pa din. Kasi ano? Nandun ka na kasi? Di ka makatanggi?

Then sasabihin mo baka nahawa ka sa kanila kasi you think na maybe one of them is a poz? Hello… kasalanan mo din if ever diba? And who knows, baka ikaw ang nakahawa sa isa sa kanila dun? If you do bareback, you are at risk of infecting OR getting infected. Wala ng sisihan di ba?

In sex, you always have an option. You can say NO. You can say STOP. Hello, nakipag-sex ako tapos lalaitin ko? Ganda mo teh! IKAW NA!

If di mo kaya mag-NO, wag ka manisi ng tao, wag ka manlait.

Nangati ka, nandun ka, di ka tumanggi, hayok ka.