The Queen is Back

And if i fly, or if I fall
Least I can say, I gave it all
And if I fly, or if I fall
I'm on my way, I'm on my way

It's been a while sissies but yes the queen is back. The queen ain't dead and there's no stopping this mother effing bitch in ruling the runway.

A LOT has happened so let me just give you a quick 411s.

1. From RITM to SHIP. Decided it's time to take my health in the hands of a private doctor. Said my farewell last month in RITM. It's been almost 5 years but the traffic in Zapote, the apathetic nurses and the poor services ticked what's left in my patience. I highly recommend all those who has the extra cash to move to a private clinic. Apart from your own doctor monitoring your health, this will allow those people who really needs help get some breathing room in RITM.

2. So I opened up my status to my close friends (about a year ago na din). Because the first person na I told my status found out that he's also a sissy and so I think I need to open up to the bigger group. And.... tada.... my other friend din pala is ganun. After a few months, we found out that our other friend got infected as well. So it's 4 out 5 in our barkada. So ikaw, mag-ingat ka ha! I mean, you can still sit with us but learn from our mistakes okay. On the flipside, at least we have each other.... pero....

3. So si other friend nag disappearing act na lang last February for no apparent reason. Disconnected from social media pero kita naman namin na #seenzoned sya sa chat. Right now he's doing good. I don't know what happened. I mean the whole barkada, di knows what happened. Di namin alam if galit sa amin, or what. So after the walang paandar and walang paramdam for 3 months from him, I decided to message him again in FB. He replied naman and said he was sorry for disappearing and di namin deserve yun. Oh well, your decision, your life. And yes, you can still sit with us.

4. My career is on a flyhigh. Like double drop tapos nag FU pa level (charing, no to drugs po). With what's been happening to my career, ashualley napapaisip ako minsan from my ka-sabawan - mag-out kaya ako? I mean, out with my status. I think lang kasi for those newly diagnosed na sa tingin nila eh it's the end of the world, I am one of those many survivors na may success story. From a CD4 of 13 way back in 2009, weighing 100lbs, with TB.... look at me now (of course di ako magpost ng pic mga sissies). Successful sa career (and di biro ang work ko, haggardo versoza with matching stress drillon), successful sa lovelife (#teamEternalCouple) and bumobortakels. Pero bigla ako nauntog.... I'm not ready to come out in public #imsorry #imnotsorry

5. Oh yeah I'm in my balik alindog project also known as #RoadToTheCrown. Now at 130lbs and nagkaka-suso na. May cuts na ang abs. Bumibilog ang pwet. Pero more more pa. This is my new addiction, ang pag gym-gym. Saka, like I'm getting old na nga so I need to exercise. Daba?

And so there, quickie update sissies. The queen is back. And sabi nga ni mama Ru, "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

Can I get an AMEN?

Oh yes. To my sissies. That's us in the video. And of course since I'm the queen, ako si RuPaul. Kayo na bahala kung sino kayo dun sa apat. Char.

Vanity Fair

My momma told me when I was young, we are all superstars... She pulled my hair, put my lipstick on... char. 

Growing up, my mom make sure that aside from having good manners and good education, good looks din syempre. And you know, I was not born naman perfect. She made sure that I know good hygiene and take good care of my self. Which until now, I got used to do every freaking day. Minus the polbo sa likod, here are my vanity items. Stuff that I use every day.

Before making ligo, 2-3x a week, I apply calamansi to my underarms, my singit areas, my siko, my tuhod, my batok and my ankle. Gwapo ka nga, may chest and abs ka, pero ang itim naman ng singit, kili-kili, batok and siko mo. Haha

For my hair... well, it's short kasi. So I use wax every day. Damaged dry hair. I've been using Dove for 2 months and my hair is better na. Right now, I'm growing my hair long. Soon, I'll be the next Dove Girl!

When taking a bath, I use Johnson's Baby Milk Bath. I was laking Johnson's talaga. Ayoko ng mga whitening soap kasi dryness sa skin. Ayoko din ng soap. This one is better. For my supple baby skin ahihi.

Face. Ever since my pagbibinata phase, ayun, acne prone. Plus night shift at work and super OT. I tried Proactive last year pa and it works perfectly sa skin ko. 

And to get rid of those dark spots plus the oiliness of my face na parang you can make luto an egg na, Vaseline Men Anti-Spot. Love it! Dark blemishes is lighten na.

Body. Vaseline Perfect 10. Combination of Whitening and Anti-Aging. I put the lotion in the fridge para when I apply it to my skin, it's malamig.

Chapped lips? I use Mentha by Bath and Body Works. I super love the mint flavor. I also have the cinnamon mentha lip shine.
 Crest 3D white for my teeth. Water makes my teeth a little yellow so I don't have super pearly white teeth. Plus I smoke. Crest is great.
And of course, kailangan din ng mouth wash. This one's nice. 

On a regular day, I don't put pabango. Pero when I go out and go gimmick, I have 212. I used to like Citrussy na pabango pero I para kasi yung smell is so bagets. 212 for Men by Carolina Herrera is spicy and parang may wood scent ng slight which is amoy masarap, mayaman, and ma-L. LOL.

Last, this is not naman for daily use. Pero you will love it! Hahaha.

Durex Play 2 in 1 Massage Lubricant. Pang Massage. Pang Lube. Well, my friend told me dapat 3 in 1 'to kasi it can be a dildo as well. Ahahaha. I don't like local lubricant. Messy eh and super sticky. This one is super nice. Not sure if available na here in Manila. My friend bought this for me from HK and everytime he goes there, I asked him to buy me this. Sarap promise. With Vitamin E pa!

 Yan... Yeah.. Some might think I'm super vain. But hey, I wasn't born perfect. So this is how I take good care of my outer self. Next blog - my supplements and other stuff!


Yeah yeah, got my pozzie twitter account. Hanap. Usap. Deal.

Beyotch Is Back!

Oh mga ateh, buhay pa ko! Been busy with work super. Di ako natuloy sa US due to some family problems na I need to attend to.Baka sa August or September ako mag fly somewhere.

Sa mga nag email sa akin at concerned kung bakit wala akong update, I'm still alive you know.

Next week na lang ulit. Hilo na ko sa Efav. Catch yah later beyotch!

USA Part 2

In 3 weeks, I'm off to the US for another business trip. My previous trip lasted for 3 weeks, this time, I'll be in the states for about 6-8 weeks.

At least I won't be in the scorching heat here in Pinas. I just hope I don't get sick during my stay in the US. I'll visit RITM before I leave to get my ARVs and get some prophylaxis and prescription on common meds just in case I catch a flu or infection. Some antibiotics, antibacterial and prophylaxis.

I'll miss by hubby. He'll be celebrating his birthday next month and I won't be here. I'm glad that at this point in our relationship, he now understands the nature of my work. That's a big plus in our relationship.

Before I fly to the US, I'll probably go to the beach with hubby. We were supposed to go to Gaylera last Holy Week but opted to stay home and ate halo-halo.

Good Feeling

My boss told me a few weeks ago that she just filed for my promotion and she's waiting for it to get approved. She told me this week that our boss approved it and HR is now working on my promotion + increase. Nakakaloka lang. I got my first promotion in less than a year, then this time, another promotion another. Things are looking good eh?

Other good news... we're looking at my next project and there's one with a trip to Oz! Well, it's work noh, pero the chance to travel again is great great great.

Health... well.... gaining weight by the minute. Though super stressful this past few weeks, ngayon okay na. Medyo kumikinis at pumoporselana ang balat ko na. Salamat sa Nivea. Haha.

Plans this summer. Dunno yet. Pero I wanna go to the beach. Not this holy week. Not in freaking galera during holy week. Holy Week in Galera = One big gay club with topless people. Yun lang. Haha. I already experienced Holy Week in Galera twice. Yung una, may sinampal lang ako kasi ang drama. Yung pangalawa, pinagbintangan pa ko na magnanakaw. Hello.... ang sarap isampal yung dala kong pera sa mukha nung nagnakaw. Oh well, good luck sa Galera. Magbabasa na lang ako ng pasyon sa amin.

Update update update. Oh, unexpected reunion a few weeks ago sa Malate. Went there with the other cast of Desperate Housewives. Ako shempre si Teri Hatcher. Then I saw my other friends. Saw my bestfriend as well. Tapos birthday din nung isa kong friend. Ang dami kong friend noh? Baka ikaw friend ko din, di mo lang alam! Hahaha. We went home early. Di na kami bata. Di na kaya ng katawan namin na makipagsabayan. And di kami actually nakikipagsabayan (sa paputian ng mukha, foundation day!). Naisip din namin, it's about time to learn a new hobby... ang mag swimming... sa mah jong table. Di ba! Donyang donya yun. PONG!

So ayun lang. Medyo wala pa ko masyado masulat. Wala naman kasi drama ngayon sa buhay ko. Madaming blog na nagsusulat ng ka-dramahan. Dito minsan lang pero usually wala. GV lang. Good feeling.


is my new number, my new CD4.

December 2009 - 13
June 2010 - 85 (+72)
December 2010 - 169 (+84)
June 2011 - 218 (+49)
January 2012 - 253 (+35)

Not bad. Up by 35 points. And who's to blame but me. Haven't been sleeping that much. Working 12 hours a day. Sometimes, I work on weekends. No exercise at all (unless you count retail therapy).

I also gained weight, I'm now at 61kg, roughly 134lbs. But I'm having what they call, "muscle wasting" from my ARV medication - Stavudine. I talked to Ate E and she said I need to swap back to Zidovudine. Now I'm on 3 months clinical trial for Zidovudine, hoping that my RBC stays normal.

In the next few weeks, I'll be working harder than ever on a new project. After this, I'm taking a month long break. Some R&R. Relaxation and... Recollection. I need a new plan on how to get to 300+ CD4.

Or maybe, I need a less stressful work (as if it exists.. ha!).

Oh well, at least I had +35. I'm still doing good. And hanging on still.


Woke up really early this morning. Went to RITM aka the Basement (dahil lumipat na sila ng location). Doraemon was early, he already asked the staff to pull-out my records. Pagdating ko, kinausap ako ni Mara, mali daw ang PhilHealth record ko sa kanila. I looked at the database, iba yung pangalan ko, and I'm self employed. Di pa ganun kaayos ang database ng RITM, ganun na talaga kadami ang poz sa Pinas. It's more fun ba?

Buti na lang kilala ako sa Basement (the infamous Lucky13). Dahil na din siguro sa pa-merienda ko lagi when I visit them. Di ako (masyado) mayaman, pero I make it a fact that I bring something to the staff. FREE ang nakukuha kong services (kahit na minsan may kabagalan talaga). Sa akin lang, para mas ganahan sila, bigyan sila ng something something. Di ba? Kesa mag-inarte ka dun akala mo ikaw ang reyna ng RITM tapos ni lugaw teh di mo sila mapakain. Kaya sa lahat ng meron namang spare cash, bring something to your treatment hubs. Kahit papaano, mapapasaya mo sila.

So anyway, it was our anniv check-up. Hinanda ko ang ugat ko para sa anniv check-up dahil sa 4-5 vials ng dugo na kailangan i-extract for the annual check-up - CD4, CBC, etc. I also need to do that injection thingy for TB (PPD) and sputum din. Plus the urinalysis and fecalysis. And XRAY.

So I had my blood extracted. Josko, si Ateh, parang gusto ako patayin sa pagdrain ng dugo. Then sa XRAY. Naku, sa mga pupunta sa RITM, patience sa XRAY lab dahil yung staff dun, pati sya parang dapat i-XRAY. Then to the pharmacy to get PPD. Then lipad kay Ate Ellen para magpa-PPD. Yung for urinalysis nabigay ko, yung for fecalysis, wit, eh nag fasting ako, kaya walang laman ang tyan ko, walang lalabas! Sputum, will be back sa Thursday.

Then nagpaconsult ako for my ARV. It's been almost 2 years na naka Stavudine ako. Pwede akong bumalik sa Zidovudine. Ang effect kasi ng Stavudine is muscle wasting. Kaya ang legs ko, susme, pang Elite Model sa pagka skinny. Buti pinayagan ako, akala ko monthly pa ko babalik, pero binigyan na ako ng 3 bote.

Note: Sa RITM, wala kang dedicated doctor kasi every month nagrorotate ang doctors. Unlike sa PGH. Kaya dapat alam mo ang records mo at alam mo ang history mo. Kaya dapat kilala mo din ang staff sa RITM. Kaya yung mga nagmamaganda sa RITM, wag masyado (lalo na pag di ka naman kagandahan).

Natapos kami mga 11:30AM. Had lunch at Festi. Nag-ikot saglit then umuwi na. At eto, masama pakiramdam ko. Dahil nakauwi ako ng 2pm tapos may pasok ako sa gabi, di kinaya ang konting oras na tulog. Buti mabait si boss, pinayagan ako mag SL.

Anyway, back to the basement, dami bago. Isa lang kilala ko na parang part na ng staff ng OPD. The rest baguhan. Yung isa, mabango. Yung isa, parang di naligo. Yung isa todo shades si ate, ayaw makilala. As in parang incognito. Akala ko bago, pero nung pinapull-out nya records nya, 1997 pa pala sya. Ganda ni ateh. Meron pa isa, naka shades din.... Summer na siguro, dami naka fake na Rayban.

This year, dami ko na plans. Di nakasulat sa papel, puro mental note lang. Kailangan ko ibalik ang modelesque ko na figure. Kasi... vain ako, saka summer na. Haha. And switching to Zidovudine is just the first step. My skin is getting better and whiter. From my cheetah print skin last 2010, ngayon wala na. Sabi din ni Liz Uy, di na uso ang animal prints in 2012.

This year, kailangan ko ulit ma-promote. Hahaha. I already talked to my boss and she said that malaki yung possibility na ma-promote ako.

This year, more out of town trips.

This year, more time for my love ones.

This year, I will try to be less maldita and less mataray. Less lang. I can't do a complete 180.

Ayun, yun na muna. Mahirap mag plano at maglista tapos January mo lang tutuparin.

Meme na me. Will blog on Friday for my CD4 results. Ang layo na ng narating ko as a pozzie. From a CD4 of 13 in (December) 2009 to 218 in (June) 2011. From my anorexic figure to a semi-chub self. From unemployment to now getting on his 2nd promotion.

And yeah, this year, I'm turning 30. Bet!


Uber busy. Sa mga naghihintay na ma-update ang blog ko, don't worry, di pa naman ako tegi. Hello, may tegi ba na nagbloblog? Hahaha.

So ayun nga, just to inform everyone, I'm effing alive. Just busy. Ang last blog ko was before ako mag US. After a few weeks in the US, bugbog sa work. And di yung pretending na busy ha. As in super busy.

So my US trip was EPIC! Wala naman escapade but the trip was memorable. Went to different cities and states. Lumafang ng lumafang. Nag sight seeing and all. Shopping galore. Witchells ako nag credit card at ayoko mabaon sa jutang I paid all my shopping expenses in cash. Haha. Ang di ko lang keri is yung super long flight.

Then back to work. Syempre di naman ako pinadala sa US para magbakasyon. 12hours/day na trabaho. 4-5 hours lang ang borlogs ko everyday. Fuck diba? Oh well, as long as I accomplish something everyday, keri na ang eyebags pero mygaaaaaash, I super need a break.

Then itong pasko naman, nahold-up ako.... ng family at relatives. Akala siguro nila dahil nakapag-US ako eh Donya na ako. Kaloka. Pero sabi nga nila, it's better to give. So happy naman ako sa pagbibigay ng gifts.

So, 2011 in summary was AWESOME! As in! Dami ko nabiling gamit para sa bahay and still made ipon. Dami ko nakilalang tao especially sa work. I got my promotion last May. One year na kami ni Doraemon. My CD4 went up. Dami dami. And I'm very thankful sa lahat na nangyari at mangyayari pa sa life ko. So sa mga pozzie out there, not because pusit ka na, end of the world na. You should take it as a challenge - to wake up everyday and not just HOPE but DO something about your life.

Malapit na ang 2012. Sabi nila, end of the world na. Sa 12/12/12 ba? Sa 01/12/12? Kelan ba ng mataya sa lotto yang date na yan! Why will God end his beautiful creation (kahit madaming pasaway)?

Anyway, in 2012, I want to make it bongga. I'm setting my target on my next promotion, sa next trip abroad (hmmm... Europe!), meeting friendship, helping out, etc. Ayoko naman gumawa ng bucket list kasi may added pressure. Meron lang akong mga mental notes. Whatever happens diba? Pero I need to watch my health of course. Aanhin ko ang pera ko kung tegi na akech? Dba? So far di pa ko nagkakasakit ulit. I gained weight. As in body fat hindi muscle weight. So therefore it's time to put my vanity hat once more and make myself yummy. LOL. I miss those days na I make girls giggle and boys gigil.

And yes, as much as I can, I will post my misadventures. Katotohanan lamang at walang halong kaplastikan at fiction. Kasi ang dami dyan, fictional na yung post. Well okay naman if fictional eh ang problema, pinagkakalat nya na yun ang nangyayari sa kanya. Dba. Liar. Tapos yung iba, akala mo ang linis linis linis. Teh, mahirap magmalinis lalo na kung gawain mo din. Saka teh, mahirap yung ang linis linis mo nga, puro libag naman ang batok mo. Ewnesssss is next to oiliness which is prone to acne. In short, isa kang pimple na ang sarap putukin.

So ayan. Nang-aaway na naman daw ako. Di naman. Medyo lang. Di ako mabait. Maldita lang. Mahirap ang masyadong mabait. Sa pelikula lang or sa telenobela sila nagwawagi (tapos sa ending pa after 3 months).

So ayun. Good night. I need to borlogs na. See you laters!

Ready Set Go

So everything is already set for my US trip. This is not my first trip to the US, this is my 3rd. I've been in the 5 years ago in different states. This time, I'm going somewhere in the east coast.

This aftie I went to the mall to buy my toiletries for the trip. I also bought a new jacket, it'll be a little chilly when I get to the US. On Thursday I'm getting my ARVs and my ARV prescription. Haircut and mani-pedi on Friday. I'll be gone for 3-4 weeks, depending on the daily progress of my client meetings.

I've already decided which clothes to bring. I'll pack light. Got tons of shopping to do in the US so I def need some space in my luggage.

This is the start of something bigger and brighter in my professional career. In the past, stumbled a few times, but I dusted myself off and picked myself up. Partida pa, pusit ako. No pun intended.

Two years ago when I found out that I was HIV positive, I thought that my life was over - mediocre job, poor health, zero friends, die alone. Yes, all those drama came to me but luckily, I was able to conquer my fear and insecurities. Living with HIV is hard, but I am still thankful because I am still alive.

People get drunk with their sorrows. I get wasted on my personal dreams. Libre mangarap pero walang mangyayari pag matutulog ka lang. Chase your dream, drop the drama and stop over-analyzing everything.

Look where I am now. Di ako nagyayabang pero sana I can help people with HIV be a little optimistic. Remember the time that you found out that you are positive? That will probably be one of the lowest point in your life, and you can never go lower. The only way is up and the only way to fly is to do something in your life rather that live in mediocrity and misery.


Consul: Hi, good morning, how are you?

Lucky: Good morning, I'm doing good.

C: So what is the purpose of your trip to the US?

L: I'll be attending business meetings for 4 weeks in *state*

C: Have you been in the US?

L: I went to *state* last 2005 for 3 weeks, then in *state* for a week to attend a business conference.

C: I see. Do you have relatives in the US?

L: Yes I do. I have cousins living in *state*

C: Do you have plans to go there after your business meetings?

L: No plans. I have to fly back here in Manila.

C: Okay. Your visa is approved.

Yes!!! I got my US Visa. I'll find out on Friday or Monday if I get 10 years. I think I'll get 10 years multiple entry B1 visa because I'll be going from one state to another. And I already had 2 US visas in the past. I'm flying to *state* soon. Will be there for 4weeks.

I'm going to the Basement* next week to get my ARV and a certification from the clinic just in case they ask about my ARVs and just in case I lost my luggage, so I can purchase my ARV in the US.

Another Year

I celebrated my birthday this month. I never really celebrated my birthday in the past. Last year though, I told myself to celebrate it with friends. Last year, I got all of them drunk and puking as early as 2AM. Last year was epic. This year, I kept it low profile, with close friends and a few officemates.

Haven’t seen my friends for months. Everyone seems to be busy with whatever – work, lovelife, work, lovelife. One friend was too busy with his galaxy tab, probably tweeting every 5 minutes. But I was glad that they still made it to the mini-soiree that I organized. But I felt that me and my friends were already drifting apart. Sad noh? The friendship is still there, but not as close as before. But I was still happy that they made it to my party.

After the little soiree, I asked them if they want to join us clubbing somewhere in Makati but half of them were sick, while half of them needs to go home. Fine. But it was all good.

I met up with my other friends at the club. My best friend pulled me away from the crowd and had a small chit-chat with me.

Bes: Happy birthday bes!

Me: Hey, thanks for coming. Thought you won’t make it… again.

Bes: Fuck-off. But I need to go home soon. Happy birthday bes. You're 31 na!

Me: Fuck-off. I'm just a year older than you are, you brat.

Bes: Hahahaha! Huy, you look good ha!

Me: Yeah, need to gain a few more pounds though.

Bes: Huy, promise me ha. Be safe.

Me: Safe?

Bes: Yes. Be safe. A few friends of ours passed away already. I think it’s because of late HIV diagnosis. Remember “X” a couple of years ago, and “Y” last year. And just recently, “Z.”

Me: Yeah I know. Don’t worry bes. I’ll be safe. You don’t have to worry much about me. We still have a few more years. You know what, everything seems to get old na… like clubbing (trying to change the topic).

Bes: Oh yeah. Look at the crowd bes. OML (Oh My Lord). Kids.

Me: I know right.

I haven’t told my best friend about my status. He doesn’t need to know any time soon. All he needs to know is that I’m doing well, I’m healthy, I’m not a partee boy anymore, and my future is looking good. I got side tracked a few years back, but I'm back in my red ruby slippers walking the yellow brick road to Oz.

After a few more minutes, bes bid his goodbyes. We hugged and then left the club. After an hour or so, me and hubby left the club and went home.

The reason why I haven’t told my friends about my HIV status is because I am not ready yet. It will take a few more years I guess. HIV is a horrible disease. HIV is my new normal. My current state of mind is somewhat okay with my new normal and it took me some time before I fully accepted it. Michael Johnson has been the poster boy of HIV/AIDS but let me tell you this – Michael Johnson is a millionaire and he has full access to whatever he needs – private chefs, better meds, a nutritionist, stressless work. I am no Michael Johnson. I’m a working class hero. So yeah, living with HIV is a little difficult. What more if you’re a class E citizen? It is hard. But what keeps me sane these days is work and my relationships with people.

Anyhoo, another year older, another year wiser. Everything is looking good – career, relationships, health. But there is something missing, something that I just can’t put my finger on, something like butterflies in my stomach. Or maybe it’s just acid reflux.


My boss told me to work on my US Visa. Will be travelling to the Americas (schushal, the Americas talaga) sometime November. Will be there for about a month. It's not my first time to go to the Americas (again, the Americas, schushal). Been to Arizona and San Diego a few years back for work as well. But this is the first time that I'll be travelling as a pozzie.

Been reading HIV forums about bringing ARV medication. My main concern is if I will check-in or just carry my ARV meds. According to my research, you should never check-in your ARVs. First, the flight will take me around 14hours, which means that I may have to skip my ARV. Second, my luggage might be lost. So yeah, I'll carry my medication.

As advised by people, one should carry an official certificate (not just a handwritten reseta ni Doc) from the clinic. And just bring the right amount of pills + extra just in case. So there.

I am kinda (kinda talaga?) excited for my trip. Iniisip ko na yung clothes that I have to bring. Shet. And I'm sure, and this never fails, my relatives will ask me to buy them Victoria Secret lotion from the US? Kaloka!!!! Tama na ang Johnson's and Johnson's! Saka, meron naman VS lotion sa Pinas.

Crossing my fingers that my Visa gets approved first. Hopefully this time, Multiple entry na. Shet. Multiply entry = Powerbottomesa. BWAHAHAHA! Ew, haven't tried multiple entry. And wala akong pangarap na i-multiple entry ako. Kaloka. Di ako baggage counter.

Anuna teh?

Susme. May isang hitad, 3 weeks ago ko na inemail, requesting her if she can check something something for me. After 3 days, she emailed me back, with a very very long run-on sentence, na ang gist lang naman ng sentence is that she'll check.

So I emailed her last week, asking for an update.

Then I emailed her again.

And again.

Then her team mate replied to my email, asking her to reply.

Susme... teh... I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT THAT BUSY. Pareho lang tayo ng work.

In the workplace, dapat within 24 hours makareply ka na sa mga emails sa'yo. Worst case na yung 48 hours. If wala kang definite answer(s) dun sa mga tanong sa email sa'yo, you will reply na you will follow-up tapos may timeline ka. Eh teh, anong petsa na. Kailangan ko na ng sagot kasi kailangan ko na sya sa lunes.

Tapos ngayon ngayon lang, nag message ako sa office chat namin. Asking her for an update. Ang status nya, BUSY. Okay fine. Tapos after my message, biglang nag BE RIGHT BACK. Teh, halatang tinataguan mo ko. Letse ka. Sa office chat kasi, malalaman mo if inactive sa chat if slowly nag-change yung color from Red, to Red/Yellow, then Yellow. Eh si ate, from Red... to Yellow agad. Beyotch.

You are soooo..... haaaaaay. Leche ka!

Me and my Officemates


Officemate: Marunong ka mag-make-up? Ikaw, nag-m-make-up ka ba?

Me: I sometimes use liquid foundation when I go out. Pero di naman yung parang foundation day ako. I have slight discoloration sa face and neck. Yun lang naman. I don't wear eyeliner, bronzer, lipstick. Di naman ako rarampa na maghahanap ng afam.

O: So you know how to put on make-up.

M: I know the basics. Turuan kita?

O: Tse.... pero sige nga, pano ba?

M: Clean your face, put a BB cream or liquid foundation. Dapat yung foundation is one shade darker or the same as your skin sa leeg. Apply sa face palabas hanggang sa neck. After putting cream, konting loose powder para mag-hold. Then you are good to go honey.

O: Bronzer marunong ka?

M: Di ako nagbro-bronzer. Pero if maglalagay ka, dab sa cheekbones and sa t-zone i think.


Officemate 2: Ikaw, bakit di ka nagdadamit babae?

Me: I prefer men's clothing.

O: Kita mo yung baklang yun na naka dress, ang chaka!

M: Di ko nga alam eh. Baka walang salamin sa bahay.

O: Loka-loka.

M: Teh, bakla man, nagkakamali din. Perfect example yung baklang yun. Kita mo nga yung paa, di man lang magpa-pedicure.

O: Bakla ka, pati yung paa nakita mo.


Officemate 1: Lucky, bakit ayaw mo mag-gym?

Me: I did before. Pero alam mo naman sa team natin, walang panahon.

O: Sayang, I saw your pics sa FB. Nalaglag panty ko.

M: I'll take that as a compliment. Pero teh, di ako pumapatol sa babae.

O: Dami nyong becky na pumuputok putok ang muscles. Sayang!!!!

M: So nalaglag din panty mo?

O: Pati matres ko nalaglag!!!

M: Ingat ka, baka kunin nila matres mo.

Mirror Mirror

I looked at myself in front of the mirror. I look okay. I used to weigh 120lbs. Now I'm at 130lbs. My partee days are over. But I know I can do better.

A month ago, I had a consultation at RITM regarding my ARVs. I am on Efav, Lamivudine and Stavudine.

Efav - Weird dreams check. Hilo factor check. Init factor check. Another side effect of Efav is having boobies (daw). So far, wala pa akong moobs (man-boobs). Minsan daw, sa belly area yung taba. Wala din naman.

Lamivudine - Hmmm... wala akong alam na side-effect.

Stavudine - The doctor asked me why I switched to Stavudine. I told him that I switched to Stavudine because my hemoglobin count and RBC dropped to anemic level. So ano pa bang side effect ng stavudine.... Eto, nawawala ang pwet ko.

Ipapa-page ko sana sa SM yung pwet ko, kasi nawawala!

The doctor said, without regular exercise, my muscles will shrink. Especially sa pwet. Susmiyo, wala na nga akong pwet, mawawala pa lalo.

He said I can switch back to Zidovudine but I need to go on clinical trial again for 3 months. Afraid. I think my ARV combo is doing great since my Viral Load is undetectable na. So there's only one thing to do...

Well, 2 options pala... ang magpalagay ng pwet... Or go back to the gym.

My schedule now is less stressful. Done na with a project. My next project will be in September pa. May gym sa office. May gym malapit sa amin. I just need to convince myself to go back to the gym.

I looked at myself in front of the mirror. I like what I see. It's been almost 2-years since I was diagnosed. I am healthier, mukha lang stress and haggardous versoza after work, pero healthy still. I look good in my slim denims and skinny jeans. Yes, walang kokontra, I have a pair of skinny jeans from Topman, and yes, I look good wearing them.

The man in the mirror is here to stay and live longer than anyone can imagine.


Hubby and I were talking about the adoption situation in their household. His Aunt wants to adopt a baby. He was asking for my opinion in the situation.

One of her Aunt's friends informed them about a newly born baby in a hospital who is up for adoption. The mother of the baby does not have the financial capacity to support the child. Her Aunt, after seeing the beautiful baby girl, had the good intentions of paying for the hospital bills and adopting the baby. Sounds good right? A good Samaritan. Her Aunt consulted them (her kids and hubby) about adopting the baby but towards the end of their conversation, her aunt told them that they should help out as well on taking care of the baby.

Hubby was "adopted" by her aunt. He lived with them as long as he could remember. So for hubby, it is paying it forward.

Anyway, cutting our discussion short, I told him that a baby is a responsibility and he should not pressure himself in saying yes to her Aunt. I advised him that the decision should come from her aunt, not from him nor from his cousins.

Eventually, her aunt decided to adopt the child.


Last Tuesday, I had a chat with my officemates over coffee. She saw the ring in my finger and asked me if I have any plans on getting married with my partner. She said that gay marriage is legal in Brazil where she lives. I told her that gay marriage in the Philippines is not yet legal and even if it is, I don't have any plans of getting married soon. Maybe sometime in the future, but not in the near future.

She then asked me if I have plans in adopting a kid.


At my best friend's birthday party, his fiance opened the topic of adoption. He said that they talked about it and they have plans of adopting a kid in the future. He said that in their relationship, eventually, a kid will bring them together in full circle. He asked one of our friends and he said he has no plans. He then looked at me and asked me if I have plans. I took a long sip of red wine and just shook my head.


I have my priorities set in the next couple of years - climb higher on the corporate ladder; get healthier; build stronger relationships with my family, friends, and with my partner; and, invest on something. Adopting a baby is not on my list yet. It's not because I'm afraid of responsibilities and commitment, but it's because I am not ready yet. And partly, it's because of my HIV status. Until they find a cure, my answer to adoption is no.

Shiny Disco Balls

Last night I had a date with my hubby. It was our monthsary. We were supposed to watch a movie but there were no more tickets so we decided to go have a sing
-a-long challenge at Timezone. After 1.5 hours of singing ala Ate Regine and Mariah, we decided to have din din and then coffee.

Earlier that day, I messaged my friends and asked them to go out and meet up. My first group of gay friends. I also messaged a few pozzies to join us (Baby China and Little Jenny).

So... hubby went off to work, I waited for my friends at a coffee shop. After 1 hour of waiting, they arrived. Then... we went to Malate.

It was Malate's White Party. I was never a Malate baby. I'm a Makati girl. So the thought of partying in the streets of Malate is not my cup of tea. We decided to go to Bed.

So there, sort of a reunion with good friends. Saw familiar faces here and there that I haven't seen for months/years. Oo na, ang taba ko. Pero not really. I was 120lbs back then. I'm 130lbs now. So yeah, ang taba ko.

I drank. I smoke. Not exactly the model pozzie. But I told myself, this will be my cheat day.

I received an sms message from a newbie pozzie. He said he was in Bed as well. So we met up. Actually, he found me. We hugged and he said, in a slurry way, that I'm an inspiration. Hmmmm. Hahaha. I'm not good with compliments so I told him that he was just drunk.

Another sms message from a pozzie, Red. I met up with him outside of Bed.

At around 4ish, I told my friends that I'm going home. Back then, I'm usually the person who's drugged and wasted til 6am. Things changed. Time to go home. They said that they will go home as well. I was happy that all of us grew up from our old habits.

R: Kanino bang idea 'tong mag Malate? (Who's idea was it to go to Malate?)

Me: Mine. Why?

R: Sakit ng ulo ko, na-leng-leng lang ako, haggard! (Headache, drunk, haggard)

Me: That's the idea.

Me: This is to re-affirm what we stopped doing. This is to remind us of what we usually get after partying and dancing all night. This does not mean that we will do this every week again.

R: Hahahaha. Correct.

Me: We are getting old noh?

R: Yeah. Fun times. I'm glad you set this one up.

Me: Me too.

R: The habit is dead. But the friendship is what we still have.


Fun times with good friends and great company. Life goes on. It's been almost 2 years since my diagnosis. And I'm still here. Life is good. Life is great. My life before was like a shiny disco ball, it just goes round and round all night until everyone decides to go home, until the club music fades. I will have the memories of my shiny disco balls and will cherish them. But I am getting older. My decision to cut down my partying was not just because of my HIV status, but because of a change that needs to happen.

Martha Stewart

My life changed after my HIV diagnosis last 2009. My so-called night life was almost non-existent nowadays. Each day, I became more domesticated. Yes, I am becoming Martha Stewart - the domesticated diva.

Don't get me wrong, being a home-buddy is actually a good thing. I get more well-rested after spending almost 50-60 hours a week at the office. I spend more time with my family. I get to read books again - books that I bought a gazillion years ago that I need to dust-off. I was back when I was just a young adult - a loner who locks up in his room in his PJs reading books, listening to music, and daydreams a lot.

Last night though, I went out. I went to my friend's party. It's been months since I saw my friends. Wine, cheese and good company. Reminiscing the past every now and then. Yes - we grew up but we never grew apart. I guess it is part of getting old.

I went home around 2am. My friend begged me to stay but I told him that it was getting late, it's raining and I still live down south. I gave him a big hug. I told him that we should see each other soon, but "soon" usually means months from now.

I am getting used to a different lifestyle. I don't want to get stuck in the past - partying like crazy over the weekend, getting hung over the next day, brain dead on Monday. But don't get me wrong - I still enjoy going to parties and events. But the sex, drugs and rock & roll drama needs to stop.

Martha Stewart once said, "Life is too complicated not to be orderly." My life needs order. My life needs a little compartmentalization. Do this. Don't do that. And it is not entirely because of my HIV status, but it's just something that I have to do.

Thank You

It has been said the reason why people pass through your life is to learn about yourself. They allow you to act and react in a manner which is reflective of the person you are (even if you don’t react, that’s still indicative of a behaviour).

So, I grew as a person after learning what I needed to learn from them. Although I thought they were in my life because of a deep-seated need to connect with someone - anyone - that will lavish some attention on me to prove my worthiness in the world, it wasn’t the reason.

Without them, I wouldn't know the person who I was, am and was going to be. Thankfully, I am so much better having them in my life... even if I’m lucky to have them out of my life because some of them were assholes.


"I feel like I can touch the sky..."

I had my CD4 count yesterday and the results are in: from 169 I am now at 218. Not bad. Up by 49 points. From 13 to 85 (72 points), to 169 (84 points), now to 218 (49 points). A lot (of stress) happened and I know why I was only up by 49 points.

1. Work-related stress - Getting my promotion meant a lot of extra hours in the office. Unlike some regular employee, I work an average of 50-60 hours/week. The extra stress at work paid off but I am sure that my CD4 suffered a bit. Apart from the extended hours at the office, I had 2 months of travelling back and forth from Manila to Cebu. Come August, I will have to travel back to Cebu again for another project. Good for my career, additional cash but probably bad for my CD4. I don't have a choice though, they need my expertise. I just have to manage my time more I guess.

2. No exercise - I used to go the gym last year and attend yoga classes. But because of work, I'm dead tired after my shift and had no time to even stretch. I will go back to the gym this week. Exercise does help improve one's health. Plus... thanks to Stavudine.... fat deposits are on my belly. I vow to go to the gym at least 1x/week. If I can't, I will do 50 push-ups and 50 crunches everyday.

3. Sick puppy - I got sick 3x since December. The usual colds + fever combo. I hate getting sick. Plan is to get back in shape, take my vitamins, get my flu shot next week, and... bring an umbrella. I don't want to get sick.

4. Supplements - I'm checking the internet for some knows supplements and anti-oxidants that helps improve CD4. None of those banaba tea's or VCO. I was on a health regimen last year but stopped taking them. Will have to do another round of research before I take new supplements.

Getting 49 CD4 points is great. Positive is better than negative (no pun intended). From 13 last December 2009 to 218 this June 2011. Now comes the challenge of getting my CD4 higher (and maintaining an undetectable viral load).

Tagos Ng Dugo

Nakipag-sex ka sa kaniya (or kanila), tapos lalaitin mo? What’s worse is nilait mo na ang itsura before kayo nag-sex… tapos maiirita ka after? Ano ka artista? Sabay pasok sa banyo, bukas ng shower, kuha ng sabon, sandal sa pader and shout… ANG DUMI DUMI KO? Ano ka? Gusto mo ba i-remake yung movie ni Ate Vi? Di ka naman nireregla!

In the first place, bakit ka nakipag-sex kung ayaw mo naman pala ng itsura?

Tapos, mandidiri ka kasi akala mo 1 on 1 kayo, tapos, orgy pala. Pero nakipag-orgy ka pa din. Kasi ano? Nandun ka na kasi? Di ka makatanggi?

Then sasabihin mo baka nahawa ka sa kanila kasi you think na maybe one of them is a poz? Hello… kasalanan mo din if ever diba? And who knows, baka ikaw ang nakahawa sa isa sa kanila dun? If you do bareback, you are at risk of infecting OR getting infected. Wala ng sisihan di ba?

In sex, you always have an option. You can say NO. You can say STOP. Hello, nakipag-sex ako tapos lalaitin ko? Ganda mo teh! IKAW NA!

If di mo kaya mag-NO, wag ka manisi ng tao, wag ka manlait.

Nangati ka, nandun ka, di ka tumanggi, hayok ka.

Since You Been Gone (aka Undetectable)

You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Last Thursday, I went to the Hills to get my ARV refill. Bought Tiramisu for the staff, chatted with Ate Let about PhilHealth and talked to Ate Ana. When Ate Ana pulled out my folder, she said... "Undetectable ka na pala, yung results ng Viral Load mo nung December."

Great news indeed.

HIV viral load tests are reported as the number of HIV copies in a milliliter (copies/mL) of blood. If the viral load measurement is high, it indicates that HIV is reproducing and that the disease will likely progress faster than if the viral load is low. During treatment and monitoring, a high viral load can be anywhere from 5,000 to 10,000 copies/mL. Initial, untreated, and uncontrolled HIV viral loads can range as high as one million or more copies/mL. A low viral load is usually between 40 to 500 copies/mL, depending on the type of test used. This result indicates that HIV is not actively reproducing and that the risk of disease progression is low.

A viral load result that reads “undetectable” does not mean that you are cured. It may mean that either the HIV RNA is not present in your blood at the time of testing or that the level of HIV RNA is below the threshold needed for detection.

Change in viral load is also a very important measurement. A rising count indicates either that the infection is getting worse or that you have developed resistance to the drugs that are being used for therapy, while a falling count indicates improvement and suppression of the HIV infection.

My point is... CD4 is not the only measurement that pozzies should focus on. You have to monitor your health (in general), your attitude, your SGPT, your Viral Load, etc.

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah, yeah
Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want

I am not cured, I know that. I am still a pozzie. But with my undetectable viral load, I just can't stop smiling. I know that you are not gone.... but I have definitely moved on. Cheers!

In The Sun

Fired Up!

A few weeks ago, one of the managers at worked saw me at Starbucks and said, "Hey, congrats!" I gave her a confused look and asked her why? She said that I need to talk to my supervisor.

I went online and pinged my boss, I asked her if there's anything that she needs to tell me. She was hesitant, I got excited. Finally, she told me that I was promoted!

I got promoted in less than a year! All the hard work done, the sleepless nights, the Excel Formula nightmares, etc. paid off!

Now I'm fired up! Not fired. Fired up! Fired up to take bigger roles. Woohoo!


Some may say that with the stress that I am getting from work, that my CD4 might suffer. Nah. I feel good, I feel great, I feel more alive than ever.


Some people have the best intentions for others, but they don't always consult the others they have these intentions for.

I know their hearts are in the right place, but sometimes I wonder where the hell their brains are.

Call for Action

Left and right, there are advocacies regarding the social stigma for PLWH (People Livong With HIV). I applaud the activists, the NGOs and the supporters. However, such focus and determination and time has been spent that they are missing the more tactical issues that pozzies in the Philippines will soon face in 2012. The ARV situation.

PhilHealth will be providing assisstance through the OHAT program which inludes an annual financial assistance of Php 30,000. Not sure if this is the latest but i got this info months ago. A month's worth of ARV (generic brands from India) will cost around Php 3,500 (1st line).

I can actually shoulder the expenses. But how about for those who cannot?

Are the existing NGOs working on getting funding from foreign institutions?

I wanna help. But how?

Get Busy

7:42 AM Posted by Trese 2 comments
Been busy with work lately. Done with a project in Cebu weeks ago. Working on a new project. Work is good, crossing my fingers that I get a good enough rating so I can be promoted.

Blog has been neglected. Lots of stories to tell though. Will think of something to post. I knoe, this is a lazy update. But i think it's better to post something lazy versus posting something apathetic or emotionally draining or post something self righteous about oneself. Right?

So there. I'm still alive. Just busy.

Common Decency

One of my pet peeves is that I cannot stand when friends bail out on me.

Fact, they don’t owe me anything, but they could show some common decency. The total disregard for someone else and the lack of manners pisses me off. Manners. I’d rather have them say they cannot meet me instead of leaving me hanging on, checking my phone for a text or message every few minutes.

If I want to do something with you and clear my schedule to spend time with you, then why would you string me along and have me wait for you when you have no intention of ever showing up?

What pisses me off as well is that in this age of high technology, why can't they effing send me a text message when they need to cancel. 1 text costs a peso.

Then when they ask you for something, they require immediate attention.

Very inconsiderate right?

I could stand them up and bail out on them, block them from my mobile phone and Facebook.... but that would only bring me down to their level and I don’t want to do that because that would only make me more of an asshole then they are. And, I'm just too classy for that.

Karma will just bite them on the ass.


By the way, my blog was quoted in WegoHealth.
Go to to read the whole article. Thanks Jordan for mentioning my blog.


Pagoda cold wave akech kasi di masyado naka borlogs. I hate this other side effect of my arv.

Naka borlogs naman akech ng 3hrs then wit na. Nag fly na din ang thoughts ko. Kung anu ano iniisip. Nothing important mostly kagaguhan lang. Inisip ko yung mga past few years na i played the role of a sultry sex vixen. Ching!

I was a big tease in my kabataan. Yung tipong come and get me ang eksena pero afraid din ako pag andyan na and the guy is asking ti jer jer na. I just like to tease and flirt. And okay fine, play a little tongue twister action mala peter piper picked a puck of fucking pepe fuck my pepe. Lol. Anubaaaaaa pa-harmless effect lang ako sa club. And ever since never ako nagpapa-take home after gimmick. Kaloka naman dba, who wants to have sex after all the sweat? Tapos pagoda ever. Mas masarap matulog after ng gimmick.

Anyway, i want to borlogs pero syempre andito ako sa work and madami bantay. Si ina magenta nasa office. Kasama ko naman sa training room si granny goose. Baka gora akech dun sa isang room to get a powernap. If only i can sleep with my eyea open. Bongga yun!

Haaay i miss Doraemon. I'll see him later for breakfast. Actually daan lang ako sa office nya. Hihihi. We need to discuss something. Abangan!


Di ako mayaman. Di ako maluho (slight). I just look expensive (ching!). Ang hirap naman pusit ka na nga pinapabayaan mo pa sarili mo. Dba?

Pusit ka na nga chaka ka pa? Ewness!

I admit nung una akong pumasok sa industriya ng kapusitan, bagsak ang beauty ko. Dry skin, underweight, may rashes and scaly scalp. I look at mirror mirror on the wall and i look average. Nang magstart ako mag gamot nag improve na ako. Di na ko underweight, okay na ang skin ko, amoy mayaman na. Haha.

Ngayon di na ako nakakapag-gym at yoga. I may not look yummy pero para kay Doraemon, masarap ako! Haha. And since malapit na ang summer, ohemgee need na magpasexy muli.

Madali lang naman ibalik ang balingkinitan kong katawan. Paliitin ng konti ang tyan at magka biceps muli. I wanna make girls giggle and boys gigil! Ching!

The 60day challenge is on! For the win! Apir!

Adobo weekend

5:09 AM Posted by Trese 1 comments
Doraemon cooked adobo for my family! Yessssssss! He also bought me an astroboy thingy. Love love love asteoboy. Ang baklitang robot! Dba? Naka black trunks with green belt and red boots! And yes, ang kilay na manipis! I bought him a nice semi formal jacket that he can use sa office. Happy mpnthsary and happy valentines day Doraemon! I love you!