Ra Ra Sis Bum Ba

After a busy week at work, my friends (non-pozies) decided to go grab something to eat banchetta along Emerald avenue. A night market full of street food and eye candies (harhar) in the busy call center life of Ortigas. I had a half pounder monster burger. Oh yes, a half-pound beef patty, grilled… monstrous indeed. Waited for about half an hour then ate the whole thing in just 15 minutes. It was worth it. Was supposed to get other stuff to eat but then decided that we cannot take smelling “inihaw” ourselves. R and I went to Malate while J went home.

In Malate, R and I decided to go clubbing separately. He’s meeting up with old fling while I promised E to hang-out with him. I met up with E at the infamous and oh-so fire hazardous O-Bar. He was with Kane (work it work it) and Onestrangeboy. I already met E last November but it was our first night to really amped it up and party. It was fun night clubbing with E. Let’s just say we share the love for both music and dance. We were party boys. He introduced me to J and K… J I knew…. It’s a small world we revolve with.

Left E around 530ish, need to get some rest. We will party and go-gimmick again soon E. It was really nice to know that there’s a pozie that I just go dancing and have fun!

Slept the whole day, woke up, got dressed, went to another gimmick… Gimmick night with the pozies at Gateway.

Had dinner at T.Boy. Suprisingly, we were more than the usual 7 suspects. 11 of us were there.

- Mami of course… and G was there (yay!)
- Leather Boy and Avatar Aang
- IC, M and Yogi Bear
- Aling Baby, NY and J

Little Jenny was unable to join us…. Miss you sis!

After dinner, we had DQ and then decided to go….

Well, we first spent an hour or so deciding where to go. Cubao was never my turf, Palawan was NOT an option of course. Tomas Morato is boring. Malate was too far…. So I suggested we go to Ortigas and go clubbing at Obar ortigas.

Before Obar, we had…. EEEEEEK…. My fave…. Shiraz yellow tail. My fave!

We then went clubbing… IC and I go way back in our clubbing and partying days. M was a party boy as well. As for G…. last night was his big night. A reunion of all sorts… meeting his old school friend who is actually a good friend of mine as well. G and Mon and Peter, the Malate oldies…. And of course… G and the Gogo Boy! Ahahahaha….

It was fun… Clubbing and the drag shows. Here’s a clip of an impersonator of Lady Gaga, performaning Bad Romance…. Snap gurl!

And this is a click of G’s gogo boy… Pwede….

All I can say is that… G… ang landi mo! Kaya like kita eh. LOL.

Mami, NY, M. Leather Boy, Avatar and I went to Libis to get breakfast. Well… I didn’t get any. I was still high on EFV. Haha.

I got home before 7am… Was unable to sleep…. Because… uhmm… it’s something personal and I’ll just keep it to myself. All in all… in summary… it was a happy weekend for me, and I hope for the people I hanged out with, fun as well.

Ewan ko lang kay G…. kasi sya…. Super saya I guess… Hahaha… Wabyu friend!

I Deserve Better

I have recently been chanting a mantra to myself whenever I‘m feeling a low and need a boost of self-esteem.

You deserve better. You deserve better than that. You deserve better. Period.

I know when things are down, they’re down for a reason. I have to hit the bottom to see the view towards the sky. Even if there are others who appear to have it all, I need to remind myself I deserve better, not more; a matter of quality over quantity.

If I lose something, I deserve to find something better. If I miss out on an opportunity, I deserve to get a better one. If someone leaves me, I deserve a better person in my life.

Why? I deserve better. I deserve better than that. Period.


It's been a month (more or less) since I met my poz circle, my poz friends. Lovet!

First it was Mami and Eric. Then IC, Little Jenny, and then I met G (Papi). Saw TGM but we were never re-introduced (met him 15 years ago). Then there's Leather Boy. Then M...

We then had our Christmas party where I met Yogi Bear and Avatar Aang. Then there's N...

A small group of people who hangs out every now and then. Just nice to know that we find common interests, likes, etc... aside from being pozies of course.

Mami, TGM and I came from the same school. Mami and I from the same building.

IC, I met long time ago in the club...

N and M were party boys so to speak...

G and I had common friends and frenemies... and we're sooooo upper east side.

N and I had someone in common...

Little J... is Little J :)

Yogi Bear and I had a lot of facebook mutual friends... ahaha!

E met a non-pozie friend of mine just recently...

So there....

We're not really an established support group with a list of officers, a well written mission and vision. We're just a group who likes to have fun, hang-out. Every now and then, we have add-ins in our gimmicks. Fun...

Been meeting more and more pozies... exponentially... sooner or later, my status as a pozie might be out in public. Someone might accidentally blurt out that I'm a pozie to some non-pozies. Hopefully not any time soon... Maybe towards the end of the year... I'm slowly psyching myself up that I will be an advocate of HIV awareness. We'll see... For now... all I wanna do is to have fun my poz friends and work on my health... oh yeah... and happiness :)

Mr. Orange

Oh yes... it's back....

Tuesday night, i noticed some mild skin rashes in my arms. At first I thought that I was just having some skin irritation. On my way home, i noticed that the pantal is spreading....

Yes... the pantal is spreading...

In my arms, chest area, neck... and some pantal in the face.... Grrrrr.

When I got home, i took a quick shower... Used a hypoallergenic soap and applied Hypo TA. in my skin... Hmmmm.. itchy.... then took Iterax to relieve the itchiness.

Then at 10AM, i woke up with rashes now almost covering 70% of my upper body.

I went to RITM to have my rashes checked... G tagged along to the derma area. Ang gulo promise, but nice just to laugh about my new freckles.

G: T, hold my hand.... tuturukan na ako ni Doc

T: Anu baaaaaa? Game! Hahaha

Then it was my turn for my consultation. I told G to go ahead and not wait up and will just meet him back at the classroom.

Diagnosis by 3 dermatologists:

1. Possibly still caused by Nevirapine... It usually takes max 8 weeks before it gets flushed out from the body.

2. Might be due to Efavirenz.

So there... their recommendation is for me to stop my Efav.

(OH NO....)

After my consultation from the clinic, i went back to the classroom. Leather Boy and Avatar Ang went home. "I" was there as well and two other pozies. G was there. I showed them my hypo T.A. lotion...

Hypo T.A. lotion smells like a guy... The smell of after sex. Ahahaha..

G smelled it, everyone took a sniff... Oh yeah... amoy sex!

G and I went to the clinic to say our goodbyes to Ate. I told Ate what the dermatologists recommended... she told me to get a consult with Dr. C... Dra. D was not there for consultation.

Dr. C told me that my rashes might be caused by my ciproflox and/or cotri. He wants me to stop my ciproflox and cotri. Hopefully, one of those two (or both) might be the real reason for my rashes. If not..... then it might be my Efav. There are no reported cases yet in RITM of major rash side effects due to efav.... But with my history of drug resistance to certain meds.... sana wag naman...

If i get drug resistant to Efav... i'll be on my 3rd line of ARV.... Aluvia na ba? Haha...

Stayed for a while and waited for "I" to get his loot bag from the pharmacy. Will be back this Monday for another consult with Dr. C.

Sweet Dreams

It’s been a week since I started taking Efavirenz and can I just say, my week long experience with this anti-retroviral has been pretty much amazing...

Efavirenz is to be taken once a day (every 24 hours), preferably before sleeping. Side effects includes dizziness, life-like dream states, raise in body temperature, etc.

Dizziness – I say it is tolerable. Usually kicks in on the first 2-3 hours. It’s not really dizziness but more on losing balance when walking or standing up. Light headedness, like after taking ecstacy or marijuana or ketamine. Manageable. My senses are floating on mid-air. In local drug addict terms – sabaw. Oh yes, I gotta feeling. A sabaw feeling. My body was already trained for light headedness, after my 2 years of substance use (ecstacy, MDMA, PCB, ketamine, marijuana and social intake of cocabout 0.75g of cocaine).

Body heat – The irritating side effect especially when I just want to fall asleep, or have an 8-hr straight sleep. I usually wake up every 3-4 hours because of the raised body temp. No body sweat involve. Just like having too many alcohol where you face, ears, chest, back, slowly raises temperature.

Dreams – On my first efavirenz, I dreamts of folding blankets of different colors, 3 dimensional reds, pinks and oranges. I know that I’m asleep, dreaming, controlling my dreams. But I cannot stop or just flip the page to the next scene.

Lately, my dreams were becoming almost a continuation of what happened during the time that I was awake. Sort of an epilogue but abstract. Last night, my dreams were sexual. 2 sex dreams.

The first one involves me having sex with…. I know that I was dreaming but at some point, I thought I was really having sex with him. The positions – from him being on top of me, then to us both sitting down face to face, then on missionary, sideways, flipping all over. My goodness… Oh yeah, I remember using rubber. Then what I love most is that we cuddled afterwards. Yes…. I love to cuddle. I woke up… still dry, but exhausted. Buti pa sa panaginip may nangyari na.

Then again another dream of me fooling around with two guys I haven’t met before. Not so familiar faces, probably saw them somewhere. The first part involves me watching them fool around, second part involves me joining them during foreplay. I can actually feel every touch. My goodness. Kung ganito lagi panaginip ko eh di masaya.

I woke up wondering why I dreamt of me having sex with….. we never really talked about doing it. I guess part of me is saying that I want to hold him close to me. Or maybe I just need to have sex, my goodness, it’s been almost 7 months since I had sex.

So going back to efavirenz…. It’s a great antri-retroviral. Manageable side effects. Parang amats lang, lutang ka na, sabaw pa, may kasama pang visuals.

5 Songs

4:47 AM Posted by Trese 2 comments
I love music that I have a song for almost everything that I do. I play songs in my laptop, in my phone, in my head. I even have my MRT music, my walking music (aka my runway music), my shower song. It changes every now and then, I keep myself updated of course. That’s how addicted I am with music. And with my so-called career, music is a big part of my life. The following songs are some of the songs that I live by. Let the music and lyrics tell you my story.

Adios Ayer/ Jose Padilla (lyrics)
If there is new love, new ways, new changes in our lives. Those times will last forever and ever.

My emo song. If my life is a movie, this song will be played in the end. The credits will be rolled, uncut scenes from my life will be shown, those that I will truly treasure.

Pursuit Of Happiness/ Kid Cudi, MGMT & Ratatat (lyrics)
I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold. I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good.

As I always say, Happiness is a choice, a decision that we make. Choose to be happy and you’ll be happy. Choose to be sad, and be sad. In 2010, Happiness is what I want in general. I may have my emo days, but happiness is still what I want to have in life. And love of course.

Show Me Love/ Robin S. (lyrics)
Heartbreaks and promises, I’ve had more than my share

A club classic that never fails to make me dance and just go gaga on the dance floor. I have almost all the possible remixes of this song. But if you read through the lyrics, it's really a sad emo love song.... you got to show me love....

No Ordinary Morning/ Chicane (lyrics)
But there was still something in your eyes, left me helpless and paralysed

On my emo days and nights, “No Ordinary Morning” never fails to make me cry. And I might play this tonight on loop until I fall asleep. Yes... you make me helpless and paralysed.

Going Wrong/ Armin Van Buuren feat Chris Jones (lyrics)
I keep searching forever in your eyes

And now... i close my eyes, with efav kicking it on a high, and dream of you.... Good night you!

So what's been playing in your head recently? Share share!

Nananaginip nang gising...

Thanks to Papi ni Mami for sharing this.... Super... made my day darker!
Cool ka daw kasi if you have this in your blog :)

A Better Day (part1)

The holidays are over and it was fun. 2009 was a rough year, a tough one. 2010… bring it on.

December 31 was not as festive and as exciting for me. I was supposed to meet up with friends but they changed their plans and decided to go party with other people. I was bummed of course because I was all dressed and glammed up and ready to go but what can I do. I stayed home and watched DVD. Fun noh? I waited for other friends to text me about their plans but it was getting too late so I decided to just suck it up and stay at home. It’s not the first time that I’m spending the new year in my bed alone so it’s all good.

Around 3AM, Pooh Bear called me up, tipsy and all. I was already sleeping but I won’t pass a call from me pooh bear. We talked like high school kids for about an hour. It was nice. I miss pooh bear.

New Year’s morning was quite different. Woke up, had lunch, popped my pills and ARV and had my poi exercise. R, my non-poz friend who cancelled our gimmick, texted me – “Sorry, na-karma na ata ako sa ginawa ko sayo.”

At first there was an evil laugh in my head – wahahaha, buti nga syo. But then I got all concerned. R is not just a friend, he’s one of my urban family sis and so I asked him where he was. I know he’s intoxicated and quite possibly under the influence of E. It’s 1PM and you just can’t walk the streets all drugged and high….

He said he was in Pasay road, trying to shake his hits off. I asked for another friend of ours who was supposed to be with him and he said B left earlier… OMG…. B left? And no one stopped B.

I got all confused and mad with the group that they were with that night. In the parteee scene, no one must leave unless everyone’s back to their normal self. B leaving earlier and R walking the streets of Makati still high on E is not good.

I called R and asked him what happened. I then called B and asked him where he was. Both apologetic to me, but that’s the least thing that I’m concerned of. It’s both their safety. I then told B to meet up with R and go straight to B’s pad. I told them that I’ll be there as soon as possible. Ate will be there for his two bebes.

I showered, packed my bag for a possible overnight stay, packed my meds, etc. Took a bus and an hour or so later, was on B’s pad.

I asked what happened and my jaw dropped. Wrong… just wrong. B and R got all depressed on the first day of the year.

To keep the spirits up in a lighter mood, we decided to have drinks. We then talked about the stuff that happened in 2009. A recap. But then R started to get all emo. I saw him staring at me a like a sad dog, mouthing “I’m sorry” a number of times.

At first, I told R that everything’s good. That ditching me was not okay but it was done already. I don’t hold grudged, I don’t focus much on hate. All is forgiven. But R sunk into his emo-ness even more.

For about 2 hours, I gave R the speech. I may look weird, eccentric and all, but I make sense about reality… and I am not mediocre. It wasn’t hard talking to R… making him realize that we don’t owe anyone anything, and we’re but responsible first for our own happiness before others. That it is okay to be selfish. That it is okay to create mistakes. That tomorrow will be a better day.

Sabi nga ni Santino... May Bukas Pa!