There are times where I feel the need to be comforted and a pillow won’t do. It’s not because I’m lonely. It’s because I want to feel the comfort and the warmth of another body. I need someone beside me, to cuddle with me.

It doesn’t have to be in bed. It can be on a sofa, a chair, or the floor. The floor... hehe. We don’t have to be naked. We can be fully clothed, wrapped in blankets. There doesn’t need to be any R-rated moments. The only thing we need is each other’s company.

Just to have somebody there, somebody in my nook, me in theirs, with an arm around me, or with my arm around them, feeling their faint breath on my neck, or mine in their hair. In the past, there’s nobody here. There’s nobody to cuddle with except for my pillow. But then I met him.

My Best Friend's Wedding

Saw my gay bestfriend and his partner last night. It's been almost a year since we saw each other. Both of us were pretty much busy with our careers and we have said our goodbyes to the usual gimmicks. It was a surprise that I saw him last night.

Talked to his partner, a VP in one of the biggest banks here in the country. Was supposed to work for that company but my current employer got me signing the job offer before I received an interview schedule with them. M asked me if I want to work for them since they need the best people in one of their projects. It got me thinking... he's offering me 2x the salary that I am getting now. Unfortunately, I have a 1 year bond with my current employer. Bummer right? I told him that I'll apply after my bond expires.

Is money really that important? In a way, yeah. It pays the bills. It buys you stuff. You can save and invest and buy a house, a car. Call me materialistic but it doesn't hurt to splurge a little. To have what you always want. And yeah... to save up for the future. You cannot live in love alone. Love doesn't feed you, usually it gives you indigestion. Blame it on the butterflies in your stomach.

Anyway... going back. My bestfriend is getting married next year. In their 1st year anniversary. I love my best friend. He's not afraid to show his sexuality, his love, himself to the world.

So that makes me one of the bride's maids in his wedding. But damn I don't wanna wear an ugly dress. Hahaha.

I love you bes!


Wrap your arms around me.
Keep me close, keep me warm.
Run your fingers up and down my arm.
Draw circles with your thumb.

Nuzzle my neck, head, and shoulders.
Breathe softly on my neck, my ears.
Lightly run your hand up and down my leg.
Lay your head against my shoulder.

Take my hand and lace our fingers together.
Gently rub your thumb with mine, hold my hand.
Hold me tight, make me feel wanted.
And fall asleep in each other’s arms.


“Do not judge me, I am not a contestant…”

LOL. But seriously, it is only human that we are judged or at the very least, rated by people around us. But before others raise their scores ala-Showtime, have you rated yourself on a scale of 1-10?

People tend to rate themselves, scale of 1-10 when being compared to others. I think it’s fair, especially since it helps to level out the playing field. No one wants to have relations with someone out of their league. Well, except for social climbers and losers whose confidence is annoying.

I think I’m a 7/10. That’s equivalent to a B, or an +80%, or in UP, it’s 1.75 or 2.0. I like my score. I am not perfect. There’s room for improvement, and it’s a pretty good start. Unlike those who think they’re a 10 but are really a 7.5, I have some shit to back it up.

Like in any pageants, it’s not just about beauty. It’s about the whole package.

I am not gorgeous or fucking hot. Not a head turner even. But I am not fugly. It takes time to see the beauty in my quirkiness. Iba ang ganda ko… Haha. I’m not a pretty boy. But yeah, I look quite good. I know how to dress up properly. I have my own unique style. I know the things that are bagay to me. Some people doesn’t know the term “binabagayan.”

In terms of career, oh yeah, that I can say I have something. I’m not a manager though. I’ve been an individual contributor in the past 6 years from different companies. Meron. Meganon.

How about social standing… Well, I’m not really someone that everybody knows but I do have the Miss Congeniality award. I have friends (yes, friends) from different industries and groups. Eh yung iba kasi… kakilala lang. Ako, friends ko sila. Di dahil naki-sindi sa’yo ng yosi eh close na kayo. Kaloka.

Next… equity and investments. That I don’t have yet. I do support my mom and sister, and supported my sister in college. I guess that there’s some sort of investment on that one. I was not born rich. Di ako niregaluhan na lang bigla ng kotse. I work hard for my money. My supervisor talked to me last month and showed me how to do investment banking with at least 10K. Will probably do that next year. But I am proud with whatever I have… saka wala akong utang. I used to have a credit card but decided to cut it. There’s no such thing as a credit card for emergency purposes. You save money for emergency. You work and get a good HMO. Emergency shopping doesn’t count.

Personality is also a major factor in scoring yourself. You may not have the goods but if you do good, then you score high.

Some people have said I’m more than a 7/10... and others think I'm less worthy of that grade. Either way, all of these numbers give me a headache. This is just too much math for me. Anyway, I have my number 1 already. Hehehe... I love you!


Been busy with work, spending a lot of time with my hubby, yoga 1x a week, etc. Enough about me, let’s talk about other people.

Spotted A: Seems that everyone is in a relationship these days. According to my friend, the term is.. “Umi-ina ka ha.” Umi-in-a-relationship. So who’s playing duets?

Love does exist even in the poz world. It’s Love in
the time of HIV. Cholera is sooooo 90s. FAs for my change in status.... hush hush about us... he's non-showbiz kasi. Alam mo naman ang mga inggiterong itrigerra!

Spotted B: There are 4-5 blogs talking about disclosure. What hit me most is THISB’s blog. My take on disclosure is this.

1. If you tell someone about your status, there's always a risk of them telling it to someone else. No matter how much you trust the person with your secret, there is a risk. So make sure that you are ready when it bites you back.

2. If a fellow pozzie effing tells someone about your status, that’s betrayal by breadknife. I pity that pozzie in THISB’s blog. I don’t get his motive(s) or lack thereof. I came up with a conclusion that the loud mouth pozzie is sad. A sad clown. A sad guy wearing a red Ever Bilena lipstick in his face. Cheap!

3. I know, non-pozies would want to know who’s who in the pozzie world. Cannot b
e, borrow 1. Just be safe every one.

Spotted C: Fauxbook. Another sad story about a pozzie who created 2 pseudo Facebook profiles. Pseudo profiles with hot profile pics. Unfortunately, I know whose pictures were posted in one of the profiles. Eh model kasi yun eh. So I looked at the fake profiles and analyzed it more. I studied the way the shout-outs were written. There were no tagged pictur
es, only studio shots. Another sad clown. Not sure why he needs to come up with fake profiles. Schizo-much?

Spotted D: If marunong kang mangutang, matuto ka magbayad. Sana pwede ‘to i-face-to-face. Unfortunately, mangungutang has no face.

Spotted E: Swallow. Stupid question: “If nalunok ba yung tamod, makakahawa ba?” EWWWWWWWW! Ewwww because now ko lang narinig yung term na tamod ulit. Oo na, maarte ako. Pero naman… Tamod is so ghetto. Number 2 ewwww moment… the swallow part. I never in my life swallowed cum, accidentally swallowed it, or asked someone to swallow mine. Pre-cum, yes. Cum, no. I can be dirty, but im not filthy. Oh yeah, I did not replied to

Spotted F: Oh... guess who's back in town? Hehehe. Welcome back my kababata!

So there.... busy busy busy. Everything's good. Til my next chismis. I'll have my next CD4 count in December. I'm a little excited. I hope to hit the +200 mark!