I haven’t disclosed my poz status to my friends yet. I wasn’t ready, I need to be sure that when I disclose my status to some of them, that I won’t have any regrets. It’s not the possible stigma after the revelation that I was worried about. It’s not that I don’t trust them to keep my poz status confidential until I’m ready to really be out there and be an advocate. I was just not ready yet.
Last night however, I told one of my close friends. I told him about my poz status and the whole story from me getting sick, to my current state. I told him through YM.
Lucky: I want to tell you a secret. But it’s not just an ordinary secret that you can tell another person. I know we have this habit on telling someone’s secret to another person but this is not the typical drama that we used to gossip. It’s something big...
Friend: Tutumbling ba ko dyan?
Lucky: I think I’ll get this year’s “Best Story of the Year” in our group. Are you ready?
Friend: Anuna?
Lucky: Kuha ka ng tissue. Kuha ka din ng alak.
Friend: Game na!
Lucky: I am HIV positive
I told him almost everything that happened. That the rashes were not from my TB medication but from my anti-retrovirals. That whenever I was in Alabang, I was in the clinic. That I’m a survivor. That I won’t die anytime soon. I’m to pretty to die.
I told my friend to not show pity on me. I told him that I wasn’t ready to tell them about my status before because I need to first sort things out by myself, the typical Lucky Trese attitude.
Friend: Di pa nagsisink-in sa akin yung sinabi mo. Pero I think in time, it will. Lutang ako ngayon sa news mo.
I was happy that I was able to tell one of my good friends about my poz status. Not because I need his support or anything, but I just want him to be informed of my situation. And of course, to set an example and establish a support system for them in case they check out as pozies as well. Knock on wood, wag naman sana.
I told him that he needs to get tested. That our friends should get tested. I do know the sexcapades of my friends. We discuss it blow by blow whenever we get bored talking about other people’s lives. He said that he’s afraid but I told him that early detection is better than just dying because of ignorance. I told him that if ever he tested positive, that at least I’m here to support him and help him out.
Friend: At least if I get tested positive, wag naman sana, may kapit ako sa loob.
Lucky: Naman!
Soon I’ll be telling my other friends, a select few, about my poz status. Then eventually, like what I told E and my friend, maybe I’ll come out in public. But I won’t come out in public and just be someone to be ridiculed. It will be an event. An HIV coming out party. Maybe contact my friend who’s a director to work on an independent film about the Pusits. Dapat... bongga!
But of course, me coming out in public won’t happen any time soon. Maybe next year. Who knows right?
April 28, 2010 at 1:30 AM
so you finally opened up. at least medyo gumaan na loob mo di ba.
about the film, sige, call ako dyan. :)
April 28, 2010 at 8:30 AM
So, the ball has started rolling... and then one day, you wake up, and everybody knows!
Hahahaha i'm kidding... Relax. =)
Kane
April 28, 2010 at 5:09 PM
@Kane...
E is my idol. He is soooo famous and I want to be just like him. LOL.
April 29, 2010 at 9:01 PM
i wish masasabi ko na rin sa childhood friends ko haaayyy.