Mono

Currently, I live a monotonous life. I am tired. I am bored. It started way before I lost my job. It started way back.

As much as I try to escape monotony, I am in a way, trapped. I just can't do it right now... I need to get a new job before I can work on living a new life. I started looking for a new job weeks ago. I don’t want to go back in the call center industry where there is no much room for growth. I want to go travel. And live my life once more.

Sometimes I hope I could just leave everything behind and try to live a "normal" life, a better life.

But now, I face everything on my own. Sure, I have my friends and family, but I cannot burden them with my troubles. I can whine. But I don’t want to explode.

I look into the future, and I get scared. What will I be in the next five years? Where will I live? Where will I be working? Who will be my new friends? Will I be buff? Will I be fat? Will I have a partner? Will there be a cure?

Everything is unsure. All depends on how I would see things in time and that's what's scary.
If someone asked me if I were happy, it would take me as much as a minute before I could reply. Right now, generally I am happy. I have my happy days and emo nights. All in all, I guess I'm just... coping. Adapting with the change. Doing the same things everyday is making my mind numb. And dumb. Lately, no one has ever told me I was smart. Or that I talk sense.

Anyone can predict my day. At this point, I cannot complain. I chose this life. I could've done something else. I could've chosen to go the other way. But I didn’t. In a way it was by choice and by a series of unfortunate of events that lead me to live a monotonous life.

In retrospect, my life was always unplanned. Every decision was almost made spontaneously. Everything was crazy. A crazy life is better than a monotonous life.

2 Response to "Mono"

  1. a46479 Says:

    you can always whine at me dear.

  2. arkin Says:

    future's really scary. no one knows what will happen next. i think, what you need is a great distraction from thinking about the future or anything stressful. besides, too much stress levels trigger poor immune response.

    smile! :) let's hope for the best :)