Lucky 13

I guess everyone knows the story of Peter Pan.... The twink who flutters and flies, wearing green skinny tights, and who doesn't want to grow up.

GROW UP WILL YOU!

Sometimes, it's okay to be childish, to be playful, to be a kid. BUT.... do understand that reality is not as simple as child's play. Oh, another thing....

STOP IT WITH ALL THE DRAMA!

I mean, seriously, what's with the drama? I had my shares of shit in my life and I told myself to suck it up, stand up, accept it and move on. Honey... there's no point if you'll just deny deny deny.

You might be wondering who Peter Pan is... well... actually... there are a lot of Peter Pans flying around in the metro. He might be a poz. He might be an old friend of mine. An office mate. Someone I just met. Or maybe... maybe... it's you?

Good thing though that I'm not a part of any of these dramas around me. I had more personal concerns to deal with. I don't have the energy nor time to get myself involved with. I stay neutral. I stay as far away from the battlefield. I don't want to get in the crossfire. I'll just ask little Tinkerbell for updates.

After a whirlwind of unforeseen and unfortunate events last week, the weekend finally came!

Friday was a slow one. I went out with my straight friend, the magician, at a straight bar.... Feels very Sixth Sense to me.... "I see straight people." Ladies grinding and gyrating to hip-hop tunes. This could've been my life if I was straight.... buti na lang bakla ako.

Saturday is movie night with friends. I met up with a newbie poz, Fish, first before watching Alice. We decided to have din din at Makati. I had a feeling that B.I.T.C.H. was in the area so I texted him. The one-on-one dinner with Fish became a 6-pack full of pozies at Greenbelt. Me, Fish, B.I.T.C.H., Leather Boy, Ivy (poz23) and Ati (the infamous eldest pusit of B.I.T.C.H.).

After dinner with the pozies, I met up with my friend to watch Alice. It was a great film IMHO. I'm not sure why some people kept on giving bad criticisms to the film. You just need to enjoy it. I love love the red queen! And I love my fat boys too!

After the movie, we went clubbing in Malate. Most of my friends were there. A lot of cute guys pero I'm a goody goody last night. Just had 3 bottles of beer that night. Goody goody mode. I left my friends in Malate around 5am. Got home around 630am, had breakfast, and slept.

Been sleeping the whole day last Sunday. Fun Fun Fun!

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I am friendly. No seriously. I am. But let me tell you another thing... There is a difference between being friendly and being friends.

I always have my moments of insecurity. I think it is normal. I was never gifted with good skin, good physique, etc. I don't believe in good genes. Everything is hardwork.

This afternoon, I made my trip to RITM. I need to get my CBC and ask the doctor if I need to change ARVs. I am not sure where my fatigue was coming from – heat exhaustion or from my ARV. I have my 8-10 hours of sleep, I have cut down on my gimmick, I am not spending the wee hours partying anymore. Well maybe last Valentine weekend I had 2 straight nights clubbing and all but based on my body clock, I really just had a couple of extra hours past my usual bed time.

New Boy

Last Sunday was Valentines Day. And because I’m single, there was nothing waiting for me. Tradition, I guess.

Valentine’s Day is a day like any other but the whole point of it is to enjoy it with someone you love. I have a hard time finding someone to spend my days with someone I like, but that’s another story.

No cards, flowers, chocolates, or romantic dinners/walks/etc., but it’s not like I’ve had that in years past. I’ll partake in the day like everyone else who is single. It’s not like I haven’t done it for over +20 years. Maybe that can be my tradition, be single every 14th of February.

There are times where I feel the need to be comforted and a pillow won’t do. It’s not because I’m lonely. It’s because I want to feel the comfort and the warmth of another body. I need someone beside me, to cuddle with me.

Just to have somebody there, with an arm around me, or with my arm around them, feeling their faint breath on my neck, or mine in their hair.

But, there’s nobody here. There’s nobody to cuddle with.

So, I guess it’s back to my pillow.

True, you can be in love any time of the year, but it seems Valentine’s Day is the one time of the year where you have to show it. And showing love entails spending money. Whoever says love is free does not work in the fields of advertising and marketing.

What about those who don’t have anyone to show anything to? They don’t get the chocolates and flowers, and dinner is probably out of the question. And, don’t even bother bringing up the topic of sex unless it involves your hand or an inanimate device that runs with an electrical current.

C’est l’amour, c’est la vie.

Sadly, it doesn’t happen to everyone. Or, can it? Does it matter what time of the year it is, or is it specifically-related to a date?

After a busy week at work, my friends (non-pozies) decided to go grab something to eat banchetta along Emerald avenue. A night market full of street food and eye candies (harhar) in the busy call center life of Ortigas. I had a half pounder monster burger. Oh yes, a half-pound beef patty, grilled… monstrous indeed. Waited for about half an hour then ate the whole thing in just 15 minutes. It was worth it. Was supposed to get other stuff to eat but then decided that we cannot take smelling “inihaw” ourselves. R and I went to Malate while J went home.

In Malate, R and I decided to go clubbing separately. He’s meeting up with old fling while I promised E to hang-out with him. I met up with E at the infamous and oh-so fire hazardous O-Bar. He was with Kane (work it work it) and Onestrangeboy. I already met E last November but it was our first night to really amped it up and party. It was fun night clubbing with E. Let’s just say we share the love for both music and dance. We were party boys. He introduced me to J and K… J I knew…. It’s a small world we revolve with.

Left E around 530ish, need to get some rest. We will party and go-gimmick again soon E. It was really nice to know that there’s a pozie that I just go dancing and have fun!

Slept the whole day, woke up, got dressed, went to another gimmick… Gimmick night with the pozies at Gateway.

Had dinner at T.Boy. Suprisingly, we were more than the usual 7 suspects. 11 of us were there.

- Mami of course… and G was there (yay!)
- Leather Boy and Avatar Aang
- IC, M and Yogi Bear
- Aling Baby, NY and J

Little Jenny was unable to join us…. Miss you sis!

After dinner, we had DQ and then decided to go….

Well, we first spent an hour or so deciding where to go. Cubao was never my turf, Palawan was NOT an option of course. Tomas Morato is boring. Malate was too far…. So I suggested we go to Ortigas and go clubbing at Obar ortigas.

Before Obar, we had…. EEEEEEK…. My fave…. Shiraz yellow tail. My fave!

We then went clubbing… IC and I go way back in our clubbing and partying days. M was a party boy as well. As for G…. last night was his big night. A reunion of all sorts… meeting his old school friend who is actually a good friend of mine as well. G and Mon and Peter, the Malate oldies…. And of course… G and the Gogo Boy! Ahahahaha….

It was fun… Clubbing and the drag shows. Here’s a clip of an impersonator of Lady Gaga, performaning Bad Romance…. Snap gurl!



And this is a click of G’s gogo boy… Pwede….



All I can say is that… G… ang landi mo! Kaya like kita eh. LOL.

Mami, NY, M. Leather Boy, Avatar and I went to Libis to get breakfast. Well… I didn’t get any. I was still high on EFV. Haha.

I got home before 7am… Was unable to sleep…. Because… uhmm… it’s something personal and I’ll just keep it to myself. All in all… in summary… it was a happy weekend for me, and I hope for the people I hanged out with, fun as well.

Ewan ko lang kay G…. kasi sya…. Super saya I guess… Hahaha… Wabyu friend!

I have recently been chanting a mantra to myself whenever I‘m feeling a low and need a boost of self-esteem.

You deserve better. You deserve better than that. You deserve better. Period.

I know when things are down, they’re down for a reason. I have to hit the bottom to see the view towards the sky. Even if there are others who appear to have it all, I need to remind myself I deserve better, not more; a matter of quality over quantity.

If I lose something, I deserve to find something better. If I miss out on an opportunity, I deserve to get a better one. If someone leaves me, I deserve a better person in my life.

Why? I deserve better. I deserve better than that. Period.

It's been a month (more or less) since I met my poz circle, my poz friends. Lovet!

Oh yes... it's back....

Thanks to Papi ni Mami for sharing this.... Super... made my day darker!

The holidays are over and it was fun. 2009 was a rough year, a tough one. 2010… bring it on.

December 31 was not as festive and as exciting for me. I was supposed to meet up with friends but they changed their plans and decided to go party with other people. I was bummed of course because I was all dressed and glammed up and ready to go but what can I do. I stayed home and watched DVD. Fun noh? I waited for other friends to text me about their plans but it was getting too late so I decided to just suck it up and stay at home. It’s not the first time that I’m spending the new year in my bed alone so it’s all good.

Around 3AM, Pooh Bear called me up, tipsy and all. I was already sleeping but I won’t pass a call from me pooh bear. We talked like high school kids for about an hour. It was nice. I miss pooh bear.

New Year’s morning was quite different. Woke up, had lunch, popped my pills and ARV and had my poi exercise. R, my non-poz friend who cancelled our gimmick, texted me – “Sorry, na-karma na ata ako sa ginawa ko sayo.”

At first there was an evil laugh in my head – wahahaha, buti nga syo. But then I got all concerned. R is not just a friend, he’s one of my urban family sis and so I asked him where he was. I know he’s intoxicated and quite possibly under the influence of E. It’s 1PM and you just can’t walk the streets all drugged and high….

He said he was in Pasay road, trying to shake his hits off. I asked for another friend of ours who was supposed to be with him and he said B left earlier… OMG…. B left? And no one stopped B.

I got all confused and mad with the group that they were with that night. In the parteee scene, no one must leave unless everyone’s back to their normal self. B leaving earlier and R walking the streets of Makati still high on E is not good.

I called R and asked him what happened. I then called B and asked him where he was. Both apologetic to me, but that’s the least thing that I’m concerned of. It’s both their safety. I then told B to meet up with R and go straight to B’s pad. I told them that I’ll be there as soon as possible. Ate will be there for his two bebes.

I showered, packed my bag for a possible overnight stay, packed my meds, etc. Took a bus and an hour or so later, was on B’s pad.

I asked what happened and my jaw dropped. Wrong… just wrong. B and R got all depressed on the first day of the year.

To keep the spirits up in a lighter mood, we decided to have drinks. We then talked about the stuff that happened in 2009. A recap. But then R started to get all emo. I saw him staring at me a like a sad dog, mouthing “I’m sorry” a number of times.

At first, I told R that everything’s good. That ditching me was not okay but it was done already. I don’t hold grudged, I don’t focus much on hate. All is forgiven. But R sunk into his emo-ness even more.

For about 2 hours, I gave R the speech. I may look weird, eccentric and all, but I make sense about reality… and I am not mediocre. It wasn’t hard talking to R… making him realize that we don’t owe anyone anything, and we’re but responsible first for our own happiness before others. That it is okay to be selfish. That it is okay to create mistakes. That tomorrow will be a better day.

Sabi nga ni Santino... May Bukas Pa!