Lucky 13

1. When we first met at the hills, we connected like sisters from Lalaland. We’re like dumb blondes with LV handbags and on Jimmy Choo shoes. You reminded me of a big sister that I never had.

2. Our gimmick at OBar Ortigas was another treat! We’re like bitches on the dancefloor.

3. You were asking people for some naming ideas for your shop and you picked my suggestion. Ganda ng name di ba!

4. We banter, we heckle, we have our lucrative chit chats. Only you and E can keep up with this type of conversation with me.

5. The time when you asked me to hold your hand. You were scared because the dermatologist needs to inject something in your nakakagalit na pimple.

6. When I called you up around 7 in the morning to dish about your favorite friend. That was a hell of a wake-up call for you. Haha!

7. When you showed me an R-rated picture of you and A. OMG. Ewwwwww. Hahaha.

8. When we talk about music, drugs… and drugs. People around us were trying to figure out what the hell were we talking about.

9. Our not so frequent text messages. Especially the last one that I received from you. Wrong sent ka pa.

10. In Malate, I rode your bike, wrapped my arms around your waist. From Sonata to OBar just to make a scene. Oh diba.

You will be missed. I know that you are in a happy place. Until we meet again. Love you G!

Running Man: I have this feeling that you had a promiscuous past.

Lucky: To be honest, yes. Add it up in my list... partee boy, bitch, and now... promiscuous

Running Man: I still don't mind... What's important is who you are today.... right?

Lucky: (kinilig)

I was a little promiscuous in the good old days. But my promiscuity to date... I guess... is slowing down. I have my limits. And I am not getting any younger.

...I once became someone's number 2. Without me knowing.

...I made out with my best friend. Not just once. Not twice. Not 3x. I think we did it 5x. In our defense, we were just under the influence of drugs. Both of us were mature enough to understand that it was just a kiss.

...I had sex with a married guy. In their bed. With their wedding picture in the night table.

Okay, okay... Too much information. I had... HAD... lived a promiscuous life. I want to take a "lighter" route. I'm not saying that I'll be one altar boy but I am putting a hiatus on my promiscuity. Need to prioritize on my health, relationship with people, my new work... and with Running Man. Yes. Running Man is on my list. Not equally important but still important.

Lalo na ngayon, tag-ulan. Ang daming palaka. At pagod na pagod na ako humalik sa mga palakang di naman nagiging prinsipe.

I am promiscuous... but like everyone else... I am fragile.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world

There are songs which are irrevocably linked with joyous moments of our lives. Whether it’s a birth, a wedding, or a celebration of any sort, the combination of music and lyrics has a magical effect on our senses.

But, sometimes they’re bittersweet in their meaning.

Whenever this song comes on the radio, I keep my finger close to the button that changes the station. For those few minutes, my heart visits the past. I listen to the song for as long as I can stand, without breaking inside. As it plays, my mind begins to count the memories, hoping the good ones outnumber the bad.

Before the song ends, I press the button to change the channel. Inevitably, I need to finish the song before it finishes with me. And, I don’t want to hurt, anymore.

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

For several years, I haven’t been able to listen to the song “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol because of its association of someone I know/knew. Whenever the first notes emitted from a speaker, I’d turn it off.

One day, I heard the song blaring from within a storefront at the mall. I couldn’t turn it off and I didn’t care. It was the first time I could hear the song without wanting to hope for a case of short-term deafness.

I had moved on and was in a happier place in my life. No longer did I associate the song with that someone I know/knew. I kept on walking at the mall, the florescent lighting shined in my face and I smiled because I knew it no longer affected me the way it did before. I moved on.

But... I think I am falling for another car crash. This time, I have my seat belt on. I learned from my past that I should take good care of myself and just enjoy the ride. No expectations. But reality is, my heart is stubborn.

Do you ever think, when you’re all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush

Do you catch a breath, when I look at you
Are you holding back, like the way I do
Cause I’m trying, try to walk away
But I know this crush ain’t going away, going away

This song plays in my head whenever I fall in crush. Sadly, it's on auto-repeat. It's chronic. It happens with almost anyone who gives me the slightest bit of attention… or money (lol).

I hope that he can see me more than just a friend. I have this chronic condition of befriending my crushies before asking them out on a date. I know, don't be friends with your prospects. But I just can't help it. A good relationship starts with two people being good friends. I know, I watch too much chick flicks. Oh well.

I was texting 46479 last night and told him about my little dilemma. He said that I should tell my crush and take the risk. I told him that I need time, that I need to plan it out first. The art of love is like the art of war... you first need to know your enemy, in this instance, my enemy is my crush.

"It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle." - Sun Tzu, The Art Of War

I'm taking my time before I go to war. I don't want to get beaten, get hurt. Like what I said in my previous post, I'm not in a rush.

I was walking at the resort last night, the sky was clear, lots of stars in the sky. I sat by the bench and lit a cigg. Maybe I'll see a shooting star tonight, then I'll make a wish. And if I do see one, and if I wish hard enough, it has to come true. The stubborn thought process of a child made me want it to come true because I believed it could.

Not being a child, anymore, I still wonder if the skies hold any promise.

***

I wish people would take a step back and exhale.
I wish people would listen, understand, and be more open minded.
I wish people would give into the possibility of living.
I wish people cared enough to ask, rather than stare and be judgmental.

I wish I knew what was on your mind.
I wish I knew why my life is the way it is.
I wish I could make you proud.
I wish you peace, love and happiness.

I wish for a cure.


***

I don't know if my wishes will ever come true. They say that if you let the world know about what you want, what you dream, what you wish for, that if you project these ideas in the universe, that in some way, somehow, they might all come true.

Risky Business

“I am no angel, I like it when you do that stuff to me...”
-Wynter Gordom, “Dirty Talk”

Being stuck at home ain’t fun at all. My activities are, but not limited to, working out 3x a week, practicing poi moves, watching reruns on cable and blogging. Was done updating my curriculum vitae, will start sending out my resume to companies. I need a job, something that I will excel at and will not bitch about. I don’t want a job at a BPO company. Total brain drain.

I went out with some friends last Friday at a low-end comedy/videoke bar. It was supposed to be a 1on1 date with a good friend, where I plan to dish out my poz status. My friend brought his soon-to-be partner and another friend of ours, i decided to postpone the big revelation. Sitting, drinking, watching the show bored me. At around 3ish, I left the bar and decided to go clubbing with another friend.

I love dancing. It makes me worry-less about life, and it’s a good form of exercise. The club was not as jam-packed as usual. Not that fire-hazardous.

Later on, K joined us. I met K months ago through E, but our conversations were just composed of small talks, heckles and punch lines. But this time, it was more than the usual bantering. First off, I officially revealed my blog identity to K. I’ve been slipping clues in my blogs and I know that K has been asking E about the identity of Lucky Trese. It’s not rocket science. Other topics that K and I talked about revolved around music, lovelife and twinks in heavy eyeliners. It was fun hanging out with K.

I went to McDonald’s, had 2 sausage+egg McMuffins, and large OJ. Got home around 7ish. Slept the whole day, went shopping and saw a cheap pair of blue faux leather shoes. Had dinner and went out again that night. That very dirty Saturday night.

It was sort of a reunion at the club. Hanged out with my first gay barkada, got drunk early (around 3ish), danced the night away. Then played the hookie role at the club.

I’m not the usual club predator, the club hookie. I go to the club, i dance, i get intoxicated, i socialize, i flirt a little, i tease. But I don’t play the hookie card that much. It’s been months since I had any action. It was last November when I hooked up with someone, a casual sleepover at his place. P has been wanting to hook-up with me for months, but being a new pozie made me a little hesitant about playing the Queen B role. E knew about my hesitations and frustrations.

But the combination of my antiretrovirals and alcohol put me in my hookie state. So i decided to play a little last Saturday night.

I saw a guy, about my height, fair skinned, borderline between lean and stocky, chinito. His body language suggests that he’s been wanting to meet me. He was across the room and kept giving me smirks and stares. Intimidating for some people but not for me. I stood beside him, slurred, danced and casually bumped into his arms. I then leaned at the rails and faced him then moved to the other railing. We were standing face to face and gave him a nod and a smile. Then snobbed him again.

The rules are for the other person to do the first move. That way, you’ll know if he likes you. You tease, you flirt, but you don’t give in. Those are MY rules. I can be aggressive but I like someone who can be aggressive with me.

After a couple of minutes, he approached me and introduced himself. The game is set.

His breathe smelled and tasted like vodka. He was about my height so making out was not that hard, I need not to tip-toe just to reach him. He then pulled me out of the club, to the dark 3rd floor stairway.

Sex? First let’s define sex. Sex for me involves someone being penetrated. I don’t consider hand jobs and fellatio as sex. There was no sex on the stairway. But there was a bit of this and that. There was a bit of thrill and a lot of risk involved. Oh well, when the cards were already dealt, all you need is to wait for the flop and the river to see if you can win the game of poker.

I gave him my name but not my number. That’s how I play the game. And I guess that’s how he wanted to end the deal as well. I went back to the club and pretended that nothing happened.

Am I back in the game? Was the dry spell lifted? I don’t know. A definite maybe.

My friends and I had breakfast and talked some more. A friend of mine noticed a certain glow in my face. I told them what happened but left out some details. You don’t have to dish out everything. You leave something for them to imagine. Even in my blogs, the whole story won’t be told.

“I am no angel...
I like it when you do that stuff to me...
I wanna do some dirty things to you tonight,
I wanna fight, all through the night, night, night.
I am no angel....”

Yeah... been two weeks since I posted something in this blog. So let me give you a quick summary of the events that's been happening to me lately...

Gym Boy
I decided to go back to the gym. I have lots of time to spare these days so 3days/wk at the gym it is. Years ago, well, I am not exactly the buff type but I got those muscles in my arms, nice enough pecs, etc. I want to go back to that state + more. I told myself... i need to be hot. LOL. Oh, and healthy. The ARVs, one of its side effects, makes your muscle shrink. So rather than looking a bangkay, I need to go hit the gym.

I also enjoy running the treadmill. Running keeps my mind of things. I used to run 5km in 30minutes. Now I'm at 3km in 30minutes. I need to hit the 5km/30min mark. Hopefully by May, I'll join my best friend in one of those runs at the Fort.

I also need to increase my body weight. I'm only 52kg/115lbs. My target weight is 130-135lbs. With exercise, good diet and my protein shakes, I hope to hit my target weight by June.

Did I mention that I want to look hot again? Yes.... I want to be a little more superficial about myself. Hahaha. I plan to use my hotness to tease a bunch of people... be that almost perfect tease once again. I dared a friend of mine that within the year, I'll take my shirt off at a gay club. Be a gogo boy for a night perhaps. I know a couple of gogo boys... they might need another dancer in their group.

Career Check
I am reviewing my options once again. I'm currently a bum. I need a job. But not just any job like what I had. I saw some job openings that I want to get. Need to update my CV. I've been working for 6years already. I want to be somewhere between middle management to top management positions. And... a job in which I can really be happy and enjoy what I'm doing.

Summer Vacation
Was in Puerto Galera from Friday to Sunday. Helped out with the "Take the Test" project of E. Wasn't there the whole day but helped as much as I could. Got drunk every night, partied the night away with friends, with a pozie group at the beach, with guys who sandwiched me at the dancefloor. Never kissed nor played with a guy at Galera. I went to the beach to get my tan, to eat fresh sea foods, to see some eye candies while having a plate of rice, and to party at night.

Speaking of Sex....
My last sexcapade was in June 2009. It's now April 2010. I'm on a dry spell. I guess sex is not that appealing to me anymore. Being a poz was a factor for my sexless months, but I am searching for something more than just a casual hook-up. Or maybe I'm just saying it now... Maybe I'll have sex with someone tomorrow. Well... who knows really.

Preparing for my next CD4 count
I'll have my 2nd CD4 count around mid-May, after the national elections. E got a +100 after 6 months, Little J got a +70 after 4 months. Some got minuses. I know that my CD4 will be higher than 13... but how high? All I know is that whatever my CD4 is, I'll be happy about it.

Friends, Frenemies, Freaks
I still am in contact with my friends these days. The barkada drifted apart but we kept in touch. Some I missed a lot, some I don't. Some I found has trust issues with me, maybe his drug addiction burned his brain cells at a rapid phase.

As for new friends... Let's just say that I found one of them really close to my heart like my evil twin sister. And almost every week, I find new ones. I'm no Miss Congeniality nor Miss Friendship though. I just like meeting new people and share my interests with them.

As for FREAKS... oh well... HAYUP KAYO! LOL. One freak just tick my nerves. I applied the rule of civility to this guy but never will you find me making beso with him again. May pera ako, gusto mo sampalin kita... ng barya sa mukha...

That's about it. I'm keeping myself busy and pretty these days. A superficial bitch. A topless tease. A lucky bastard. Fierce not fears.

I know right? :p

Last Sunday was Valentines Day. And because I’m single, there was nothing waiting for me. Tradition, I guess.

Valentine’s Day is a day like any other but the whole point of it is to enjoy it with someone you love. I have a hard time finding someone to spend my days with someone I like, but that’s another story.

No cards, flowers, chocolates, or romantic dinners/walks/etc., but it’s not like I’ve had that in years past. I’ll partake in the day like everyone else who is single. It’s not like I haven’t done it for over +20 years. Maybe that can be my tradition, be single every 14th of February.

There are times where I feel the need to be comforted and a pillow won’t do. It’s not because I’m lonely. It’s because I want to feel the comfort and the warmth of another body. I need someone beside me, to cuddle with me.

Just to have somebody there, with an arm around me, or with my arm around them, feeling their faint breath on my neck, or mine in their hair.

But, there’s nobody here. There’s nobody to cuddle with.

So, I guess it’s back to my pillow.

After a busy week at work, my friends (non-pozies) decided to go grab something to eat banchetta along Emerald avenue. A night market full of street food and eye candies (harhar) in the busy call center life of Ortigas. I had a half pounder monster burger. Oh yes, a half-pound beef patty, grilled… monstrous indeed. Waited for about half an hour then ate the whole thing in just 15 minutes. It was worth it. Was supposed to get other stuff to eat but then decided that we cannot take smelling “inihaw” ourselves. R and I went to Malate while J went home.

In Malate, R and I decided to go clubbing separately. He’s meeting up with old fling while I promised E to hang-out with him. I met up with E at the infamous and oh-so fire hazardous O-Bar. He was with Kane (work it work it) and Onestrangeboy. I already met E last November but it was our first night to really amped it up and party. It was fun night clubbing with E. Let’s just say we share the love for both music and dance. We were party boys. He introduced me to J and K… J I knew…. It’s a small world we revolve with.

Left E around 530ish, need to get some rest. We will party and go-gimmick again soon E. It was really nice to know that there’s a pozie that I just go dancing and have fun!

Slept the whole day, woke up, got dressed, went to another gimmick… Gimmick night with the pozies at Gateway.

Had dinner at T.Boy. Suprisingly, we were more than the usual 7 suspects. 11 of us were there.

- Mami of course… and G was there (yay!)
- Leather Boy and Avatar Aang
- IC, M and Yogi Bear
- Aling Baby, NY and J

Little Jenny was unable to join us…. Miss you sis!

After dinner, we had DQ and then decided to go….

Well, we first spent an hour or so deciding where to go. Cubao was never my turf, Palawan was NOT an option of course. Tomas Morato is boring. Malate was too far…. So I suggested we go to Ortigas and go clubbing at Obar ortigas.

Before Obar, we had…. EEEEEEK…. My fave…. Shiraz yellow tail. My fave!

We then went clubbing… IC and I go way back in our clubbing and partying days. M was a party boy as well. As for G…. last night was his big night. A reunion of all sorts… meeting his old school friend who is actually a good friend of mine as well. G and Mon and Peter, the Malate oldies…. And of course… G and the Gogo Boy! Ahahahaha….

It was fun… Clubbing and the drag shows. Here’s a clip of an impersonator of Lady Gaga, performaning Bad Romance…. Snap gurl!



And this is a click of G’s gogo boy… Pwede….



All I can say is that… G… ang landi mo! Kaya like kita eh. LOL.

Mami, NY, M. Leather Boy, Avatar and I went to Libis to get breakfast. Well… I didn’t get any. I was still high on EFV. Haha.

I got home before 7am… Was unable to sleep…. Because… uhmm… it’s something personal and I’ll just keep it to myself. All in all… in summary… it was a happy weekend for me, and I hope for the people I hanged out with, fun as well.

Ewan ko lang kay G…. kasi sya…. Super saya I guess… Hahaha… Wabyu friend!

I have recently been chanting a mantra to myself whenever I‘m feeling a low and need a boost of self-esteem.

You deserve better. You deserve better than that. You deserve better. Period.

I know when things are down, they’re down for a reason. I have to hit the bottom to see the view towards the sky. Even if there are others who appear to have it all, I need to remind myself I deserve better, not more; a matter of quality over quantity.

If I lose something, I deserve to find something better. If I miss out on an opportunity, I deserve to get a better one. If someone leaves me, I deserve a better person in my life.

Why? I deserve better. I deserve better than that. Period.

It's been a month (more or less) since I met my poz circle, my poz friends. Lovet!

The holidays are over and it was fun. 2009 was a rough year, a tough one. 2010… bring it on.

December 31 was not as festive and as exciting for me. I was supposed to meet up with friends but they changed their plans and decided to go party with other people. I was bummed of course because I was all dressed and glammed up and ready to go but what can I do. I stayed home and watched DVD. Fun noh? I waited for other friends to text me about their plans but it was getting too late so I decided to just suck it up and stay at home. It’s not the first time that I’m spending the new year in my bed alone so it’s all good.

Around 3AM, Pooh Bear called me up, tipsy and all. I was already sleeping but I won’t pass a call from me pooh bear. We talked like high school kids for about an hour. It was nice. I miss pooh bear.

New Year’s morning was quite different. Woke up, had lunch, popped my pills and ARV and had my poi exercise. R, my non-poz friend who cancelled our gimmick, texted me – “Sorry, na-karma na ata ako sa ginawa ko sayo.”

At first there was an evil laugh in my head – wahahaha, buti nga syo. But then I got all concerned. R is not just a friend, he’s one of my urban family sis and so I asked him where he was. I know he’s intoxicated and quite possibly under the influence of E. It’s 1PM and you just can’t walk the streets all drugged and high….

He said he was in Pasay road, trying to shake his hits off. I asked for another friend of ours who was supposed to be with him and he said B left earlier… OMG…. B left? And no one stopped B.

I got all confused and mad with the group that they were with that night. In the parteee scene, no one must leave unless everyone’s back to their normal self. B leaving earlier and R walking the streets of Makati still high on E is not good.

I called R and asked him what happened. I then called B and asked him where he was. Both apologetic to me, but that’s the least thing that I’m concerned of. It’s both their safety. I then told B to meet up with R and go straight to B’s pad. I told them that I’ll be there as soon as possible. Ate will be there for his two bebes.

I showered, packed my bag for a possible overnight stay, packed my meds, etc. Took a bus and an hour or so later, was on B’s pad.

I asked what happened and my jaw dropped. Wrong… just wrong. B and R got all depressed on the first day of the year.

To keep the spirits up in a lighter mood, we decided to have drinks. We then talked about the stuff that happened in 2009. A recap. But then R started to get all emo. I saw him staring at me a like a sad dog, mouthing “I’m sorry” a number of times.

At first, I told R that everything’s good. That ditching me was not okay but it was done already. I don’t hold grudged, I don’t focus much on hate. All is forgiven. But R sunk into his emo-ness even more.

For about 2 hours, I gave R the speech. I may look weird, eccentric and all, but I make sense about reality… and I am not mediocre. It wasn’t hard talking to R… making him realize that we don’t owe anyone anything, and we’re but responsible first for our own happiness before others. That it is okay to be selfish. That it is okay to create mistakes. That tomorrow will be a better day.

Sabi nga ni Santino... May Bukas Pa!

Chilly holidays for me. I only had once shared the Christmas season with an ex-partner and that was it. I already spent 25 years of my life being single on Christmas and New Year... so by now, I should be used to it.

The pozies had a small post Christmas soiree last Saturday. M and I decided to just join the rest of the gang during dinner since we already watched Avatar. I waited for M at the MRT station in Taft avenue.

I was wearing my Grimace inspired long sleeves polo and pin-striped shorts. My rashes stopped from spreading but left some dark marks in my arms and legs. M was wearing a Mano Po colored polo shirt. M looks nice in red.

We arrived at the Sky Garden around 630ish. Blair, Little Jenny and 2 other pozies were there. Had dinner at TOSH. My seafood marinara was sooooo bland. Everyone was laughing, sharing stories, having fun. We found out that night that Blair was was the image model of Marcella and Manuela. Hahaha. Ikaw na nga Blair! Ikaw na! Another pozie joined us. After dinner, we went to Agave for some drinks.

Everyone had margarita except for P and I. P had iced tea and I had my favorite poison – Absolut Kurrant with Tonic Water, on the rocks. Yum yum. I actually want red wine that night but Agave only serves their house wines.

Then one by one, every one dropped their ARV. Fun noh?

We left Agave around 130am. M, Little Jenny and I went to Malate to have ‘breakfast.’ We were supposed to go to BED but Little Jenny is carrying his purse with all his meds. The bouncers might not let him in. They might mistaken it as ecstacy pills. Sayang… it’s Little Jenny’s first time in Malate. Next time na lang.

We went to silya to eat (again). We then just walked around the streets of Nakpil and Orosa. M gave the much needed Malate tour being a Malate boy himself.

Then M’s rashes grew more and more. Nevirapine induced. He was on it for 3 days before the side effects kicked in… I hope you're doing better M. Just let me know if you need anything.

It was a great night. I guess we are our own support group. We need not to make it official and create a list of objectives and all that drama. The pozie group where you can just let loose, have fun, talk about “it” without feeling oh-so-depressed. It’s nice. Really nice.

With me being secretive about my poz status amongst non pozzies, it was actually pretty easy. The hardest part is lying to them with my poker face on. I'm not used to telling lies but I'm more used to not telling my friends everything that's been going on in my life. There's a difference between lying and not telling them anything...

I had dinner with non-pozzie friends last Friday. At first I wasn't keen to join them due to my rashes but I then decided to just wing it. It was dark, it was cold, I work a faux-cardigan sweater and jeans. A friend noticed some rashes in my neck, my hands, and why I look flushed. I told him I had an allergic reaction with my medication.... my "TB" medication.

Whew...

After dinner, we watched Avatar then had coffee. Paranoid i was, I put my hands on my pockets so that they won't notice it and won't start asking questions why the gruesome allergic skin reaction.

We stayed at a friend's pad afterwards. Freakishly hot, I took off my sweater. Wrong move. They seem to "fancy" my rashes so i gave them my best defense. Drug induced allergic reaction, non-contagious.

To date, the inflamation and redness stopped. Now I look like sun burnt. I actually like my faux-tan except for the part that it's not pantay! Tomorrow I'm going back to work looking like a sun-kissed god(dess). People will definitely notice me... I can't help it though... my skin is sensitive.

Been a procastinator at work. I usually pile up my workload until Wednesday before I start being productive. I really need to get a new job. I won’t quit unless I get a new one though. That will be reckless. I’m just crossing my fingers that someday I’ll get away from my dingy job and get a shiny new one.... with sequins!

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I was at RITM last Friday. Since I was in a cheerful mood, I brought doughnuts for merienda. It will be my first consultation with Dr.D.

Dr.D and I reviewed my files, from allergies, history of illness, etc. She told me to continue my TB meds plus the medications she prescribed 2 weeks ago. She said that streptomycin should be for 2 months, I told her that I was told only to have it in 5 days. Then she gave me my ARVs.

I have Lamivudine + Zidovudine and Nevirapine… She said it should not be Efavirenz but Nevirapine.

The first thing that came up to my mind when she said Nevirapine were rashes rashes rashes. Eeeeeek!

I stayed for a while at the classroom for a while. May cute kasi. Yeah yeah… malandi ako. But he started eyeing me first. I was profiling the guy while eating a doughnut. He seems nice, a little reserved, can be outgoing, loves to stroll in the beach… and young.

He was reviewing sheets of paper, he was holding a highlighter pen, I think he’s still a student.

I was unable to introduce myself to him. I decided to leave because I still have work. He’s cute but I don’t go for cute guys. And I have my busilak self that day.

Text BUSILAK to 23666 for unlimited busilak-ness.

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I started my ARVs Saturday morning. I will be dropping my ARVs on 1:00pm and 1:00am. I cannot not take my ARVs.

I more or less prepared my self for my first drop. I researched on what the known possible side effects are. I had my loratadine ready in case of rashes. I have milk to lessen the possible acidity. I ate before taking my ARV.

Then down with the pills.

Usually, it takes 30minutes before any drug can take effect. That also means that it will take at least 30 minutes before the side effect kicks-in. To keep my mind off the time and of thinking if Nevi will give me rashes, I popped in a DVD and focus my mind on the film. Then…… I fell asleep.

I woke-up around 2pm. I checked if I am getting more rashes. More rashes? I have skin rashes prior taking Nevi. So far, I think there are no additional rashes on my skin. I feel good…Sleepy, but good.

So yeah… maybe the side effect of the ARVs to me is that I get sleepy. May ARV ka na, may sleeping pill ka pa.

Hopefully my current ARVs won’t have other side effects. I want to start getting better. More energy mas happy!

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Cute is considered to be an innocent and (possibly) youthful sexiness. It’s not hard and overt, but soft. Even though cute is subjective, there are some people who are or who aren’t. This bothers me because I don’t think they’re cute. In fact, some of them I think aren’t attractive, at all. Yet, it seems like everyone thinks they are. Is there something I can’t see, and are they really cute? Are they really not cute, and are people just complimenting them because they’re trying to be nice by inflating the other person’s feeling of self worth?

Then again, I shouldn’t talk about it because I have been called cute and I’m sure there are a hell of a lot of people who think differently.

Honestly, I don't think that I am cute, I'm just... fairly attractive. Not a head turner. Not the boy next door. I'm not the model (or model-wannabe) type. Fairly attractive, nonchalant, low-in-fat, eccentric guy who bitches about life because life's a bitch!