Lucky 13

The more the world changes, the more it stays the same for some. For me, that’s not the case. In the end, I think some things just need to happen. The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. My new life begins with trese.

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I am 27 years old, been gay for 3 years. I know that I was gay all along but never really explored my identity until I was 24. I had 2 ex-partners, short lived. Had multiple sex partners, averaging to 4/year, so that’s about 12 guys I had sex with in the last 3 years. I am comfortable with my identity. Discrimination will always be there, I just brush off the usual nasty remarks.

I am HIV+. I was tested last October. My mom and sister knows. I think my mom told her sisters as well. As long as me being HIV+ stays within my family and relatives (mother side), I am okay. So far, I do not have plans on telling my friends.

Acceptance came easy for me, just had a couple of weeks of mild depression and a tad of paranoia. I am a fighter. This one is just another challenge… a challenge that will be long fought. And I am not planning to lose.

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I was referred to RITM by my doctor for “further management.” My first trip was nice, pleasant and very home-y. I arrived and met Ate Ana. We talked about my situation then she brought me to the waiting area to meet Ate Ellen and Lynn. I felt comfortable and I knew that I’m in good hands. We had merienda – pansit from their Halloween party.

A week after my first visit to “The Hill,” I came back for my tests. 4 mini-test tubes blood samples were taken. For my CBC, Syphillis, RPR and my CD4 count. I also had an xray, urinalysis and sputum test.

This morning I went back to give them 2 more samples for my sputum test and to get the results of my CD4 test.

“Ate Ana, lumabas nay ung result ng CD4?”

“Naku, ang baba…”

500 and above is the normal CD4 count. For people having HIV, treatment (ARV – Anti RetroViral) will start when CD4 is below 300. I’ve heard stories about the side effects of ARVs – hallucinations, rashes, muscle pains, headache, etc. When Ate said that my CD4 count was low, I started to psyche myself up.

The doctor was out for a 2-wk long conference. Ate immediately called one of the doctors and consulted my situation. A doctor came in (forgot her name) and game me ARVs.

Lamivudine + Zidovudine; twice a day

Efavirenz; once a day, before sleeping

I was supposed to start my ARVs tomorrow. Ate sent me a message to not start my ARVs and to drop by tomorrow at RITM to get pre-ARV medication. Will drop by tomorrow morning then will probably watch 2012 alone. I love watching movies alone... walang istorbo. Harhar.

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So why "My new life begins with Trese?"

I don't believe in luck, in karma, etc. I don't believe in superstitions. I don't believe that the number 13 is a cursed number.

Well... my CD4 count is 13. But that doesn't make me a cursed. When I found out that my CD4 count was 13, I was shocked but just accepted it and asked them about the next steps. Eh wala naman na ako magagawa eh.

My new life begins with Trese.