My weekend has been a self-realization that things need to change. And these changes were not because of me being HIV positive. It is triggered by something else.
It is triggered by the natural course of life.
When I started living my gay life about 3 years ago, I found friends and circles (not clans) that I can share my life with, experience it and enjoy every moment. Of course it was not always rainbows and unicorns, we had fights and arguments, we had sad stories. But nevertheless, it made my life more colorful.
Around June of this year, the people from my circle of friends begun drifting apart. A friend focused on his relationship with his partner, my best friend was having his diva mode after his latest break-up, some tagged themselves with other circles.
I on the other hand focused on pursuing a career in the music biz. Di ako singer don't worry. With me working on my music means getting tired of going clubbing with them. Usually, I follow my friends in Malate. They go clubbing in BED while I eat alone at Silya.
I also got tired of hooking up with strangers. I get snobby with those who flirts with me. And I don't actually hook up in clubs. I think I just hooked up 2-3 times lang.
Then I was gone for months. When I got back... the circle seems to disappear completely. All of them are still my friends but I think I lost the strong connection with them.
This weekend, while partying with some of my friends, I then realized that I was tired already of clubbing, of partying, of it all. My stubborn head just can't accept it. A sad fact.
I told myself that this change is bound to happen. That I need this change. I need to break this routine. I am getting older. I need a new distraction.
I'm not saying that I'll just leave my friends behind... but I need to cut down (big) on clubbing and partying. I am changing...
It is triggered by the natural course of life.
When I started living my gay life about 3 years ago, I found friends and circles (not clans) that I can share my life with, experience it and enjoy every moment. Of course it was not always rainbows and unicorns, we had fights and arguments, we had sad stories. But nevertheless, it made my life more colorful.
Around June of this year, the people from my circle of friends begun drifting apart. A friend focused on his relationship with his partner, my best friend was having his diva mode after his latest break-up, some tagged themselves with other circles.
I on the other hand focused on pursuing a career in the music biz. Di ako singer don't worry. With me working on my music means getting tired of going clubbing with them. Usually, I follow my friends in Malate. They go clubbing in BED while I eat alone at Silya.
I also got tired of hooking up with strangers. I get snobby with those who flirts with me. And I don't actually hook up in clubs. I think I just hooked up 2-3 times lang.
Then I was gone for months. When I got back... the circle seems to disappear completely. All of them are still my friends but I think I lost the strong connection with them.
This weekend, while partying with some of my friends, I then realized that I was tired already of clubbing, of partying, of it all. My stubborn head just can't accept it. A sad fact.
I told myself that this change is bound to happen. That I need this change. I need to break this routine. I am getting older. I need a new distraction.
I'm not saying that I'll just leave my friends behind... but I need to cut down (big) on clubbing and partying. I am changing...
December 7, 2009 at 6:25 PM
Change is good. :)
I used to go with my friend to Malate a lot several years ago. But things happened. Some friends took on a new career path. Others left for abroad. Couples broke up.
Afterwards, I stopped going to Malate. This was in 2006. A couple of months ago, I went back just because I needed to feel "one" with the community again. I live in such a straight world kasi. Hehe! And I was glad to be back. It's kinda different pala this time.
I know I wouldn't be doing the whole gimik scene for a long time again, but it's nice to somehow be "reconnected". :)
December 9, 2009 at 1:00 AM
ako kasi, was not a Malate boy so I guess I do not feel the connection with Orosa, with Nakpil, with the scene. Minsan pag bagot na kami, we walk down the streets and napapasigaw ako ng.... "parang galera lang oh."
It's nice to find your connection back to the gay community. I on the other hand will give Malate some rest.
Thanks for reading my blog Angelo... taga-UP din ako! :)
December 9, 2009 at 8:41 AM
hey! mabuhay ang iskolar ng bayan! lol! :)
uhm, hehe, i go there mga once (or twice) a month lang. i have a feeling that this whole malate thing is just a phase again. hehe!