Life is filled with journeys - metaphorically and literally - of seemingly limitless destinations and differing degrees of distances. Many of us, however, have eyes firmly set at the eventual point. the end of the line. For the past couple of months, I started to value the importance of waiting. The status of being in-between; neither at the point of origin nor the destination.
Nothing really happened. It was just life going on, I guess. A more timid pace.
It's funny how after a certain moment of conscious inactivity, life suddenly beckons despite the lack of initiation. The last couple of weeks have shown this. Not only have I been made to be more organized, to plan and to prioritize, but also to realize those things that I've been a while procrastinating about.
And that lies the simple reason and the important lesson I place in waiting. Nothing is valued so preciously in this life than for that thing which has been long pined for. After all, what kind of worth has something if handed on a silver platter and so easily attained.
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Last night I met up with X after my final interview with Company Y. I then found out that he works for company Y, that we have a handful of common friends, that we were both from the same province, etc. Like any other meet-ups that I had with newbie pozzies (bloggers and non-bloggers), I was quite excited to know his journey in the glitz and glamorous poz life.
We had a couple of drinks while dishing our own stories. It was a good 3 hour talk with X. We'll catch up again soon.. and yes... with booze!
I was at the 9th Malate White party last night and to be honest, it was my first Malate white party. It may not seem like it but I am actually a sort-of newbie clubber. I started going to clubs, events and parties just 4 years ago and... I was never a Malate boy. I was a Makati baby. Yeah there is a difference.... My "gay-ness" was not socially induced by the streets of Orosa and Nakpil, but with the lights and traffic of Makati. I only started my Malate night outs late last year.
Anyway, last night had a "palengke" atmosphere. There's the dry section, the wet section, the sariwa and the panis. The nagmamaganda, the maganda, the pa-pam-pam, the paminta (achoo), the addicts (sex and/or drug addicts that is). The fags, fag-hags and fag-stags. A number of familiar faces here and there.
I received a number of "EB" proposals that night. Most of them want to hook-up with me at the event, some wants to go drinking, a couple wants some hot-sex after the party. But after all the glitz and glamour and the basang kili-kili, I got to my usual snob-bitch mood.
After the performances at the corner of Orosa-Nakpil, I hanged-out with some pozzies. E, BITCH, N, C, etc. We then decided to go to a club but ack... the line was too long. Fortunately for me, I'm a club VIP so I left them in line while I went inside for some A/C.
Inside I met up with friend and chit-chatted for a while. Saw some clubbing buddies as well. Then I got a txt message from someone who wants to meet up. What the hell, might as well meet some of them for the night, I don't want to disappoint my fans (yeah, aside from being ang snobby-bitch, I was feeling a little conceited that night).
I met up with the guy... my memory was kinda lost. 1) I don't know how he got my number and 2) I can't remember ever chatting with him from Facebook. I was not really in the mood for some lip-locking action so I played it cool. Sweaty-steamy sex is good but making out in a pawis-ang-kili-kili state is gross.
Oiliness is next to poverty folks.
Finally, the pozzies made it inside but E was not with them. I guess E was booked for the night.
One by one, the pozzies left. I then met up with old friends and a former fling. Most of them haven't seen me for quite sometime. It was nice seeing them again and they were happy that I was gaining weight. Yes... again... me... conceited.
It was already 630am. We had breakfast first. All of them looked banged up with too much alcohol while I maintain my sobriety. Yes.... zero alcohol that night.
I took a piss before we left Malate. Then... at broad daylight... this guy had a quick pass on me at the men's room. Oh well, might as well give him what he wants. We kissed briefly.
It was a so-so night.
On my way home, my mind fluttered way way back my old clubbing nights. I cut down of alcohol, smoking and my gimmicks which I think was a result not because of my poz status but of me growing old. But I am not saying buh-bye yet to the clubs just yet. I'm just finding better ways of spending my weekends like pigging-out, etc. In pursuit with better and finer things in life.
Which reminds me... since I've been more than 2 weeks sober... I want to go drinking at Barcino. Anyone? Please? A glass or two? :)
Since last week, good news just started pouring in. When it rains, it floods right?
1. Well to kick things off, a CD4 of 85 last Tuesday.
2. I had a number of interviews with good companies. I did great with company X unfortunately, my asking price is too high. I have my follow-up interview with company Y this Thursday.
3. I received a text message last night from a friend asking me if I am available this Saturday to "work" for them for an event (one of the biggest events in the Manila Gay Scene). This is the biggest break that I am waiting for.
4. I'm gaining more and more muscle weight. I look good in v-neck shirts now. I have pecs! I have arms! I have a nice ass! Teehee! 3 months of working out paid off. I still want to bulk up though.
5. Finally, my back-pay will be available next week.
I was unable to get enough sleep last night, excited to take my 2nd CD4 test. I think I dozed off around 2am while exchanging messages with Kofiboy.
I woke up around 7am. Still groggy and a little drugged with my EFV but I need to rush rush rush. CD4 tests were conducted until 10am only. I also need to prepare for a job interview somewhere in Bicutan.
Wish 1 granted.... no rain. I love the rain but I hate it when my shoes get wet.
I arrived around 9am. 3 pozzies were there already... no familiar pozzies in sight. Quick chit chats with Ate Ana. She said I was looking good, gained weight, and that someone was looking for me last week...
I was a little intrigued about the guy. Ate Ana said that the guy was about 5'4, cute... and a non-pozzie. She said that the guy asked for me. Hmmm... Who's this guy? SINO KA MAGPAKILALA KA.... I'm keeping a low profile these days about my poz status. Da who?!
Anyway... i got my test requests and went to the clinical lab. 4 vials of blood were extracted. 1 for CBC, 1 for CD4, 1 for VL and another one for... uhm... i forgot.
After the test, I went back to Ate Ana. Ate Shola arrived, it was her birthday. Ate Shola has been living with HIV for the past 18 or 19 years already.... and her boobies are still intact. Happy birthday Ate Shola!
I visited the lounge area and said hello to Ate Ellen and Roslyn. There were around 4 pozies at the lounge. Seems that it's a slow Tuesday at the Hills after all.
I left RITM before noon because I need to go to Bicutan for my job interview but then decided to cancel it. It will take me a combination of 5-6 jeep+trike+bus ride before I get there IF I get the job. I went to Jabi and had brunch instead.
It was 1pm. The test results will be out around 5ish. I can actually go home and rest but decided to stay around Alabang. I promised Papi that I will visit his new salon, promised to meet up with E as well.
Since I have time to spare, I watched The Killers... Ashton Kutcher is hawt!
After the movie, 2 pozzie friends called me up and asked me if I want to hitch a ride going to Papi's salon. We met up around 4pm and went to the salon.
The salon was simple yet fab. My friends left me there because they need to go meet up other pozies in Megamall. Papi was still on his way, and so was E. It was already 430pm so I called Ate Ana...
Lucky: Ate Ana!
Ate Ana: Ano yun?
Lucky: Ate Ana!!!
Ate Ana: Ano nga yun???
Lucky: ATE ANNNAAAA!!!!
Ate Ana: Congrats. It's now 85!
To celebrate... i got a foot spa and a pedicure... Then Papi and E arrived shortly. E and I left the salon around 7ish.
From 13 to 85. Well, it could actually be higher than 85 but I have no regrets whatsoever with my new number. Yes, I could have just stayed at home and lock myself up in the past 7 months. Yes, I could have stopped drinking and do a cold turkey on my ciggs. Yes, I could have started going back to the gym a little early.
But no.... i didn't. Why? Because I just don't want to. Call me stubborn but I'm just a normal person like anyone. And I don't want to make false promises of quitting and stopping all my vices in a blink of an eye. I'm cutting it down - alcohol, ciggs and gimmicks. But not all at once. At my own pace folks...
85 is my new number but 13 will always be there. A reminder that I just got lucky surviving with a CD4 of 13.
I was out with Kofiboy last Saturday. We had dinner at Som's.
First... about Som's.... not really that great. Pwede na if gutom ka... but it really lacks the authenticity of Thai cuisine. We ordered bagoong rice, red curry, pad thai and thai milk tea. While having dinner, I found out that Kofiboy stopped eating red meat.
Maselan... lol.
After Som's, we walked... yes... we walked.... from Som's to A.venue for some coffee. We passed by manang who lives in a push cart with her family and gave her our left overs.... chicken pad thai, shrimp pad thai, and the red curry. Good deed for the night. And no food goes to waste.
We had coffee from 10pm til 2am. Talked about our lives, about work, etc. Talked about people and bitched about them. Talked about past dates. Talked about our old promiscuous lives.
We decided to go for a walk... yes... we walked again... from A.venue to Ayala ave. It was a long walk. Passed by a group a trannies teasing us, a building fumigating (kofiboy... hindi sya fog), then finally to Ayala.
Another fun date with Kofiboy. I've been with a lot of friendly dates. You dine, have coffee, and just talk no-non-sense. I love love learning about other people's lives. I'm not chismosa... i'm just.... "socially concerned" about their twisted lives. LOL.
Every one is twisted in their own little way. Pozzie or non-pozzie.
If there's one thing that is constant, it's change. I am a true believer that people can actually change, about 75% of the time. Change does not happen overnight. Mistakes happen.
Change doesn't happen too often in my staid life, but when it does, watch out. The alterations are huge, as if a whole new world is opening up.
After learning about my HIV status, slowly, I have come across a period of change. Instead of being scared of the unknown, I look at it as a moment when I have an opportunity to look at my life and see what I want to make of it. It's now or never.
Even when I read my horoscope, it said I needed to remove any old baggage (physical and psychological) from my life to start anew. Of course, horoscopes are always right, especially when they tell you want you want to know.
And, that's exactly what I did. Gone were certain elements of my past that were hindering my future. It’s time for a fresh start and new beginnings.
